They call me Uncle Daddy, or Scuba Steve for short.

I once stole an eight ball of coke from little person on an island just off the coast of Guatemala called Cuatro Cayos. 4 days went by and I ended up on the border of Honduras and Nicaragua, in a small town called San Marcos De Colon. It was the moment that I arrived in that town when I realized that I was being followed. I wasn't sure why I was being followed or by whom. But then, I saw a fully blacked out Cadillac Escalade speeding right towards me from the opposite side of the road.

Right after the car rapidly stopped in the middle of the road the driver of the car stepped out with a step stool. He then proceeded over to the backseat passenger door, set down the step stool, opened the door; and then out came the little person that I stole the eight ball of coke from. Turns out his name was Haraldo Geremias Lorenzana-Cordon (aka Chuci,) the leader of the Lorenzana Drug Trafficking Organization in Guatemala.

Long story short, his driver beat me up, put a bag over my head, waterboarded me in warehouse at an undisclosed location in the jungle, and dumped me somewhere in the Colombian jungle. Even though i have had sickle cell anemia ever since then, I'm still thankful it happened. Because it was there, in the middle of the Colombian jungle that I had finally learned that little people are people too. They have feelings, and as such, deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.

In closing, let my story be a lesson for you all. If you are ever traveling through Central America and see a little person with copious amounts of body hair, a horseshoe mustache, and black beady eyes that seem to have no pupils; it's probably Chuci. It's best to just avoid whatever location he happens to be in entirely. However, unless you have no money and just absolutely need coke right then and there and/or you want to release your sense of adventure; I say go for it! YOLO. If you do happen to see Chuci, tell him the tall American boy with the flat ass says hi; he'll know who I am.

But yeah, now I just play games.