Since the dawn of time, mankind has struggled to deal with great questions of life: Why am I here? Why do the stars spin in the sky? And most important of all: the great question “what is cheese?” This is a question which has puzzled scientists, theologians and the every-day-man-in-the-street for centuries. The very nature of cheese is hard to pin down. What is cheese made of? Can it be used as a wall-insulation? Is it sentient? Thorough research into the field has answered at least two of these three questions. We now know that cheese is made from a substance known as milk. The source of which remains yet a further mystery to the ears, eyes and nose of science. But which yields the delicious substance known as cheese, when it is churned, fermented and generally treated badly by a bunch of farmers in a shed. We also know that cheese can be used as a wall-insulation albeit a fairly poor insulation and terribly pungent. The final question: “is cheese sentient?” remains unanswerable by the modern brain of science. Experiments have shown that some cheeses are capable of simple mathematical equations, such as adding the numbers one and two, or calculating the value of pi to no more than 200 places. Other cheeses have shown a much less impressive display of intelligence, by responding to fairly banal stimuli of such day time television programmes as the Jeremy Kyle show.