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Joe Rogan: "So hold up... Boromir said they couldn’t simply walk into Mordor."
Donald Trump: "Yes, he did. He said it. Very strong words, Boromir. Great guy, a lot of people say he had the best shield in Middle-earth. Tremendous shield. But you're right."
Joe: "But then... these hobbits... they just walked into Mordor? Is that right?"
Trump: "Hobbits, Joe. You wouldn't believe it. Small, very small. Some say too small, but I think they're perfect. Perfect size. And they walked right in. Some say they couldn't do it, but they did it. Nobody thought it was possible, especially Boromir. But I've always said, never underestimate hobbits."
Joe: "That's insane, man. Frodo just strolls in with Sam, no problem. Like, what kind of security does Mordor even have? Sauron's supposed to be the biggest bad guy!"
Trump: "Look, I’ve said it before, and I'll say it again. Sauron, very overrated. Very. I mean, he had one eye, Joe. One! You can’t run an empire like that. You need two eyes at least, maybe more. I run empires, I know. And the orcs? Let’s just say I would've hired better people."
Joe: "Yeah, but what about the Ring, dude? Wouldn’t it have been safer to just, like, fly it into Mordor with those giant eagles? Everyone always says that."
Trump: "The eagles, Joe, I’ve spoken to them. Great birds. Strong, very strong. But you have to understand, they're independent. They don’t just work for anybody. They like freedom. And besides, you don’t want to be too obvious. A stealth approach, very smart. I would’ve done the same thing. Maybe a little faster, but still."
Joe: "Yeah, man. I guess they had to keep it low-key. So would you say Frodo’s kind of like... a patriot?"
Trump: "Absolutely. Frodo's a patriot. Tremendous guy, very determined. I've always said, if I were in Middle-earth, I would’ve been a huge help. Huge. They would've won faster, believe me. But Frodo did a great job. Amazing hobbit. The best."
Joe: "Dude, that’s wild. Imagine if you had Sauron's tower. That Eye thing... probably would’ve turned into a Trump Tower."
Trump: "Oh, no question. Beautiful tower, the best. And no ring nonsense. Just luxury. Mordor would’ve been a lot nicer, believe me.