Recensioni recenti di the_arioch

This story leaves a strange aftertaste of being "not enough", "not quite there". A swing for a dollar and a hit for a nickel.

Last time i felt it was with the "Eternity she wished for". It is not the thing you drop out in the middle and forget next day. It has "it". But it has it "not enough" to be suggested or told about.
That also means if you read the "Eternity" and enjoyed it and it left you with nothing like that "reader's remorse", that perhaps this story would be a smooth ride with you too. And if you read the latter and then wished you would not, then perhaps you skip this one too.

It is not that their plots are similar or anything, it is just the same irrational "Oh, it could be a perfect story, if it only would" feelign they both leave in me.

It frankly is not easy to describe the feelings without goinf into details, and details would be spoilers. So, i guess this review would seem biased and unsibstantiated, and perhaps it is.

1. If the author's point was to unnerve the reader by making a micro Summer Days, by submerging him into "some games hurt" - then it was reached, absolutly. Though, my personal uncanny valley started with "the family that still may be rescued" emotional chasm, not the fan-service culmination itself. So, i kind of was untouched by the scene that was planned as the most shocking and cruel.

2. Let me say, the story was too short for all the content the author tried to squeeze into it. It is a "constructed" story, ratehr than "born" one. It feels like when one developes One Great Plan and then when some narrative starts flowing from it he jsut squeezes it into "what it must be".

It kind of works. Kind of. Because some natural sincirity gets lost in those hard work hours. Chekov's guns are way too exposed, without any lampshading. Tolstoy syndrome happens here and there: crucial events are getting happening not out of natural development, but because the point in the One True Plot had to be proven and ends jsutify means.

That very "willing suspencion of disbelief" was burst a bit too often, and when the athor tried hastily to knot few threads together, he/she left their ends standing out.

Maybe one day the author would dare to make 3-4 times longer the story over those ideas, so the bines would get overed by some curvy flesh, dunno. As of now, sorry, to me this story feels like "Oh, those fair people did so try to make this journey pleasant for us, it is a shame we ere less happy than their efforts were worth. Though i know 3-4 times more would be much more exhaustive, and perhaps much less on ROI scale, and the plot with get more and mroe runaway tendency as the character would be getting the breathe of their own. So, it is veeery easy to me to make suggestions like that investing nothing.

Just, this story does have a potential, but not in this short form where it became too much obviousy "constructed".
If it was not worth notincing, ig it was just "an obvious miss and nothing to talk about" that would make it mmuch less complicated :-D

3. And my personal thing, damn it, when the same team makes text and background graphics, when they are not best matches copypasted from chans or devianart, then why they do contradict one another? sigh... Perhaps i should not be even noticing those discrepancies, but... that willing suspension of mine, it was all like an old tire not patched enough....

OTOH, i was noticing picture mismatches even in Ame no Marginal. So perhaps i am just a picky reader and this time i pick on Ebi-hime, having nothign better to do :-D