Playtime past 2 weeks:
0h

View global achievement stats
You must be logged in to compare these stats to your own
89 of 89 (100%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 8:50am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 4:51pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 5:03pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 8:43am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 8:47am

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 23 Mar, 2022 @ 7:55am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 9:00am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 4:40pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2016 @ 10:12am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 1:19pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 2:24pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 3:27pm

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 20 Jan, 2016 @ 4:16am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 11:31am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 5:00am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 5:23am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 18 Mar, 2022 @ 4:00am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 1:31pm

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 8:29am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 18 Mar, 2022 @ 3:57am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 5:05pm

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 18 Mar, 2022 @ 3:27am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 20 Jan, 2016 @ 4:29am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 7:44am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 3:59pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 5:13am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 10:22am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 1:30pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 1:33pm

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 5:52am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 11:17am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 3:17pm

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2016 @ 2:51pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 21 Mar, 2022 @ 10:06am

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 21 Mar, 2022 @ 10:06am

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 10:47am

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 23 Mar, 2022 @ 12:02pm

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 23 Mar, 2022 @ 12:02pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 8:46am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 5:03pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 23 Mar, 2022 @ 5:10am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2016 @ 2:13pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 5:06pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 23 Mar, 2022 @ 8:00am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 11:23am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 8:55am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 9:41am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 5:10pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 9:02am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 8:58am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 4:24pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2016 @ 3:10pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 8:53am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 Jan, 2016 @ 9:03am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2016 @ 11:09am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 8:55am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 4:06am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2016 @ 10:44am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 12 Jan, 2016 @ 10:04am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 4:54am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 4:46am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 10:13am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 4:00am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 9 Jan, 2016 @ 4:42pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 18 Mar, 2022 @ 3:34am

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 23 Mar, 2022 @ 6:56am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 8:55am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 20 Jan, 2016 @ 4:17am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 9 Mar, 2022 @ 10:02am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 6:28am

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 8:07am

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2022 @ 9:35am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2022 @ 8:03am

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2022 @ 11:03am

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2022 @ 11:03am

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 15 Mar, 2022 @ 11:03am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 4:41am

Dick Message

Wasted no time with the Wise Wang.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 4:29am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 5:14am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 5:52am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 7:32am

Ode to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2022 @ 2:28am

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 10 Mar, 2022 @ 8:05am

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 16 Mar, 2022 @ 5:12am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2022 @ 7:48am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2022 @ 2:53am

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 14 Mar, 2022 @ 7:02am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 11 Mar, 2022 @ 3:10am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 17 Mar, 2022 @ 5:29am