i am at the worst point in my life, i have never felt more anxious, i have never had an anxiety or panic attack until now, and its hard to deal with it all alone and its all my fault for taking everything for granted, i just wanted to be heard and i didnt feel like that
the friends that i considered my family i lost because of my own faults and i didnt listen to them, i felt betrayed by one and ended up ending many of the other friendships because of it, i dont have anyone as close as i did with them anymore thats knows somethings are going on
all ive done is been a self destructive person and i dont know what else to do, i cant even listen to anyone, all i do is ruin things more and more, and im told not to blame myself but how cant i after all i do is ruin everything when im made to feel like that too
i feel terrible and miserable with everything that had happened and all i can do is blame myself even if i know deep down somewhere it wasnt and its unfair to me to feel the way i do, i dont deserve this i know i dont yet everything happened
i know ive been through something similar in the past, but this hurts way more and its just a problem with myself this time, theres no one else to blame but me, i just wish i could do something right and feel like i did why do i always feel discredited for everything
hopefully ill pass out and forget everything, im sorry to everyone that tried with me, this is why i felt as if i was a burden to you all and i was right, im sorry for everything and im sorry for being a terrible friend, i tried to do better this time and i still failed
Just to simply get over it? Is it that easy after it feels like I've been lied to the entire time after putting in all my trust, time and effort and not a single thing was recognized? Does everyone only see the fact how I pushed people away as the bad thing?
i gave it truly my all to everyone and even that wasn't enough, it hurts to hear it from the person you care about the most, but there's no blame to be put onto anyone, just me, blame me, i feel like i deserve this, and that's that, it's time to sleep for a long time|


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