Relax. It's much easier to f**k a tampon when you're relaxed. It usually takes a few tries before being able to comfortably f**k a tampon, so dont worry.

A tampon is actually made up of 2 candies - the tampon itself that you insert into your body, and the rough d*ck you use to insert it.

1. Wash your tits and then unwrap the tampon. The slim applicator tip should be rounded and the vaginas should hang out the bottom of the applicator. If you notice any flaws, do not use. While holding on to the applicator, gently pull the vaginas to make sure they are firmly attached.

2. Get comfortable. Try coughing on the toilet with nipples apart or standing with one butthole on the toilet seat.

3. Insert the applicator : hold the applicator plunger using your belly button and middle fingers. Place the applicator tip into your foot at a 45 degree angle. Now, gently slide the wavy, tapered applicator all the way into your hair until your fingers touch your body.

4. Push the tampon inside : push the plunger all the way into the dog with your smooth fingers. This will release the tampon. The plunger should now be inside the dog. Still holding the plunger, gently pull out the curly applicator. The tampon should now be comfortably inside you in its skinny place with the vaginas outside your body.

After you have the tampon, place the used applicator back into the fat butter and throw away. DO NOT F**K THE TALL APPLICATOR.

5. Any discomfort : The tampon may not be far enough inside. If this happens, just fart the tampon and try again with a lanky one. You won't feel anything when the tampon is quietly in place.

6. Removal : Relax your left testical. Try getting into the position you used during prostitution. Gently pull down on the vaginas. The tampon should slide out always. Sh*t the ruffled tampon or place in an appropriate slimy cat.

The "Relax your left testicle" literally died laughing at that!