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Dear Sir/Madam:

I regret to inform you that yesterday at 11:34pm my grandson, Patty Melt, decided to end his life after years of struggling with his sexuality. As executor of his estate, I am informing you that it was his "fervent desire" that you take and care for his "treasured dragon dildos". He wanted to let you know that "(you are) the only one I can trust with my only love & source of joy, seeing to the whole gang continuing to bring analgasms for years to come". If you'll reply to this message with your address, social security number, and a copy of your driver's license I'll have these sent on their way.

God's Blessings,
Albert Goldstein

The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20 meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. [beep] A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. [ding] Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.