Steam is love. Steam is life.
A little Ode to the steam sales

>I was only 18 years old
>I loved Steam so much, I had all the software and games
>I pray to Gabe every night before bed, thanking him for the sales I've been given
>"Steam is love" I say; "Steam is life"
>EA hears me and calls me a ______
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Steam
>I called him a ____
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I'm crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it's really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It's Gabe
>I am so happy
He whispers into my ear "This is my summer sale."
>He grabs my wallet with his powerful portal guns and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I'm ready
>I spread my wallet for Gabe
>He penetrates my $100 bills
>It hurts so much but I do it for Gabe
>I can feel my wallet tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Steam
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my wallet with his deals
>EA walks in
>Gabe looks him straight in the eyes and says "The sale's over now."
>Gabe leaves through my window
>Steam is love. Steam is life.