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A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great ♥♥♥ she spent the next hour rubbing his balls because it was something she just loved to do. As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that?" "Because" she replied " I really miss mine"
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A guy walks into a bar, sees a sign that says "Drink Free All Night if you Complete 3 Challenges." The guy asks the bartender what's the challenges. Bartender says First you gotta finish this 5 gallon jug off... Second we got a croc out back with a tooth ache, you gotta pull it's bad tooth. Last, there is a beautiful lady upstairs that's never had an ♥♥♥♥♥♥, give her one and all your drinks all night are free.
Guy ain't a chump so he gets to work. Takes him a while but he gets so sh*tfaced he can't taste it anymore and finishes it off. He steps up from the bar and stumbles out back to look for the croc. First everyone inside hears crashing and thuds and then the most horrible howls and screams you've ever heard. The screams and thuds and crashing around out back suddenly fall silent. Next thing you know the guy walks back in through the back door. "Alright, I finished with the croc... Now where the f*cks the lady with a tooth ache..."