doo doo water

Actual thing my kiddo said to me ☺️😱👀💃

I was making oatmeal this morning when I slipped and spilled it all over the floor. As I panic and scream, my 2 year old son says to me “Mother, fret not over spilt and soured dreams, for failure is the time-bending compass which guides us back to where we should have been. To remain here rather than follow it, would be to to stagnate.” My little kiddo is such a genius. 🥹

Anyone know what country 🏳️‍⚧️ flag is from? My discord e gf has it and I'm too scared of asking her where she's from cause I no wanna get canceled on Twitter oh I mean X for racing.

WARNING !!!!!

If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your tits DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR TITS. This is a scam and he is only trying to SEE YOUR TITS.

Please warn others that their tits may be at risk.

Is it possible to sleep with a man’s penis in your mouth all night long?

The answer is Yes, I had a boyfriend that I did this with multiple times… at least three occasions that I can remember. Having a penis in my mouth is very soothing, like a pacifier to a baby.

Here’s how it worked: he would lay on his side, and I would spoon around his knees with my head propped up by a pillow so that my face was even with his C ock. We would both be excited by it at the beginning so there was always an initial intense session resulting in an orgasm, and once that was out of the way we would drift off to sleep. He would lose his erection after that first orgasm, allowing me to snuggle up against him and just relax with his limp C ock filling my mouth. While I would gently suckle on him while drifting off, once I was asleep that stopped and my mouth would just hold his C ock while we slept.

REM sleep causes erections, so several times during the night I would be woken up by the C ock in my mouth growing too big for my mouth to contain. (Sadly I’ve never mastered being able to deep throat.) Let me tell you, there is no greater feeling than the initial moment of confusion of crossing over from a dream into reality and realizing your mouth is actually full of C ock. Upon waking up I would start sucking again, which would lead to him coming again, and then we would both drift off to sleep again, neither one of us having said a word. And then the whole cycle would repeat again and again until morning.

Now the drawback to all this is that we were both having our REM cycle interrupted all night, and we would both be exhausted all the next day. As a result we didn’t do this all the time but saved it for a special treat. The memories of those nights and that feeling of waking up with my mouth full are some of the best sexual memories of my life.

What I think people who are not in the Greek System need to understand is that partying isn't just something we do. It's ingrained into our lives. Many people, these days, are perfectly content with sitting on their computers all day playing video games. I used to be a competitive gamer and I used to do this. After joining the Greek system, partying became a new norm that was ingrained into my life. We need it for our wellbeing. It helps us escape society. There have even been studies that show how necessary gatherings are for our wellbeing. The fact that it was stripped away from us, especially by something that barely affects us specifically is very detrimental to our mental state. People are giving us so much crap for it, yet they don't know what it's like for us to be deprived of everything that's fun for us.

Earlier today I was really horny, and I saw what I thought to be a blank dvd. I thought, DVDs have a tight hole, they might feel pretty good. So I put my soft pp into the hole of the DVD, and for a few seconds as I started getting harder, it felt pretty good, but then, once I was fully erect, it started being painful. My pp was stuck in the dvd, and I had to break it in half to get if out. It was then when I flipped the broken dvd over and realized that it was not a blank dvd, but a copy of the movie UP.

Well guys, guess I ♥♥♥♥♥♥ up.

🇺🇸ATTENTION🇺🇸PLEASE🇺🇸

🇺🇸guys🇺🇸if🇺🇸you🇺🇸receive🇺🇸an🇺🇸email🇺🇸saying🇺🇸"naked🇺🇸pictures🇺🇸of🇺🇸Donald🇺🇸Trump"🇺🇸don't🇺🇸open🇺🇸it🇺🇸it🇺🇸is🇺🇸a🇺🇸virus🇺🇸that🇺🇸puts🇺🇸USA🇺🇸flags🇺🇸between🇺🇸everything🇺🇸you🇺🇸type🇺🇸

Cyberpunk 2077 is so buggy that even the character creator is broken

I heard that the game had some bugs but I wasn’t expecting them to hurt my experience so quickly. I was making my character and I got to the genitals option and gave my character a penis. I scrolled through the size option and noticed a game breaking bug. The labels are wrong for the penises. I gave my character what was labeled as “small penis” and was surprised to find that it was way bigger than my real penis. This is a serious game breaking bug and CD Project Red needs to make fixing this issue it’s number one priority.

Bro I just discovered that you can literally just make yourself a steak

Disclaimer, I am high

I went paddleboarding with my friend last weekend and I told her how I’m tryna get more into cooking but that I mostly just make a salmon filet or chicken breast and some rice. Later on we were talking about good steakhouses around the area which turned into her telling me she just buys whatever cut of steak is discounted and makes herself a steak once a week, which sounded kinda too good to be true tbh, steak is my ♥♥♥♥ when I go to restaurants (didn’t used to be but that’s cuz my mom always made me order it well done, cuz she’s a nurse and takes our family’s health very seriously - I guess she’s worried about food borne illness; everything changed when my dad bought me a medium rare steak for my birthday a few years ago) but like only at restaurants.

For context, I grew up with a mom that cooked (the steaks were well done, but everything else was good, my mother is a great albeit misguided cook), and then when I moved out to go to college, I had a roommate who had always been really into cooking, so I didn’t need to cook at all so I didn’t, my experience went as far as eggs, spaghetti, top ramen, etc. Nothing too fancy. After my last relationship (where we lived together and I made dinner 2-3 times/week, on the days where I was off and she had to work), I realized it’s really not that hard and I wanted to expand my horizons, made quite a few salmon, chicken, potato dishes, nothing too fancy. (We broke up and now I’m living alone, so cooking for myself is especially imperative now)

But then when my friend mentioned that she just makes herself a steak once a week? I literally went to Trader Joe’s and bought a steak that day, said I’d make myself cook it sometime this week. I dragged my feet (even cooked my salmon first even though it’s sell by date was later than the steak) and today I finally did it, a Friday treat.

Literally just googled “stove top flank steak medium rare” and it told me 2-3 minutes on each side, so I threw on some spices, heated up some oil in a pan, tossed it on for 2:30 each side as timed by my phone, pulled it off and BAM. I cooked myself a steak!!!! I think it was a little more medium than I had hoped but still bomb

As I finished up, I came to the profound epiphany: You can literally just cook yourself a steak. My favorite food, at the palm of my hands in like 15 minutes. I feel like Thanos, all I have to do is snap my fingers and I’ve got a steak. I can just make myself a steak at 9pm on Friday?? That’s my ♥♥♥♥ bro. I can’t believe it took me almost 27 years to discover I can just make. Myself. A steak. I can just do it myself. This ♥♥♥♥ is seriously life changing.

Y’all ever had any sort of dumb high discovery like this? You can just make yourself a steak?? Or any other dish? Or you can just build your own coffee table? Or brew your own beer? Grow your own tomatoes?? I can just do this ♥♥♥♥ for myself. I mean without grocery stores i need to learn how to raise and butcher cattle, but as long as the apocalypse doesn’t happen, I can pretty much just buy myself a steak and make it whenever I want. This is insane

Hey, how you doin' lil' mama? Let me whisper in ya ear Tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft? Nah, I'm just playin' 'less you say I can And I'm known to be a real nasty man And they say a closed mouth don't get fed So, I don't mind askin' for head

Why are Japanese girls so hrd to talk to? I'm polite. Each time I approach one, I say "konichiwa". I always ask them about their favourite anime before talking about my waifu. They're usually really shy (which is cute imo) but I hate that I have to be the one to constantly engage in conversations with them, and how they usually get disinterested because Im a white guy. Yes, I get that it's awkward because of things like Pearl Harbor, but I don't hold it against them. They weren't in Unit 731, so why jdge them for it? Why can't the himes just realize that I respect Japnese culture and that I really want to be part of it.

I'm willing to marry a Japanese womn, adopt Jpanese children and even live in Japan for the rest of my life. Hell, I'm even learning the language by watching undubbed anime. Plus, I cook a mean bowl of rice (for those who don't know, Japanese eat a lot of rice, I do too my Mom says that I act like a Japanese person because of all the rice I eat and the anime I watch).

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟⢻⡆
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣤⣴⣶⣶⣦⣤⣴⡟⠀⠀⢿⣶⣤⣤⣴⠾⣿
⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠟⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿ ⠀
⠀⠀⢠⡿⠁⠀⢀⣀⣤⣤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⠛⠀⠀⢶⡤⣿⣀⣀
⠀⢀⣿⠁⢠⡾⠛⠉⠀⠀⠉⠻⣦⣀⡴⠞⠛⠛⠛⠷⣦⣀⡾⡒⠤
⠀⢸⡇⠀⣿⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿
⠀⠸⣇⠀⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿ ⠀⠀
⠀⠀⢻⡄⠹⣆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟
⠀⠀⠈⢿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⡟
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣧⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⠋
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣶⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⠟⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠙⠿⣶⣤⣀⣤⡾⠟⠁
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉

please help my fingers still smells like garlic, depression, and onions :(

mindbreak bimbofication femdom has joined the game

While I go to work I like to leave my tv on for my dog so he at least has some sort of stimulation. I use Hulu because it keeps playing episodes without stopping like Netflix.

Well, one day after coming home from work I come back and see that Hulu is no longer playing the family show "Bobs Burgers" anymore and has decided the next best thing after reaching the last episode is to start playing Japanese cartoons. He is now 100+ episodes deep into the manga "Bleach" and I'm worried for his mental well-being.

Can my dog become brainwashed into become a weebie degenerate? It might be best to simply put him down if it's contagious.

Ah!
AúGH!
*dramatic gasp x10*
aHAhaHA
EgrH!
AúGH! (again)
uGH!
oUh!
oH!
ohyes
a H !
hMm~
MHmHmhMHmmm...
*LE GASP!*
WHUA-?!
AuH!
wHuA!
oOH!
o-AUHGGGHH!!!!
*face cake* oH...

scooby shaggy omg daphne frederick omg mystery gang oh where is everybody omg i'm just thinking is it is it a man in a mask or is it actually aliens omg my glasses you know i cant see without my glasses ugh omg where could they be jinkies omg where are they oh omg ugh lets solve this mystery for once and for all mystery gang rocks yea daphne

are you lost baby girl ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

High security horny jail

Bonk

hi can i get a large diet non-gmo plant🌱 based gluten🍞-free vegan🥗 organic cold-pressed peanut🥜-free soy-free lactose🍼-free vegan sugar-free green🍵tea infused all-natural🌎 homemade🏡 eco🌳-friendly😸 recycled♻️ cup🥃 of piss🚽 sweetened with splenda please🙏

i never lost my virginity because i never lose

look at those thighs. powerful

Covid isn't even a year old though

If I’m underraged and Covid is 19 LEGALLY it can’t touch me

if I back it up, is it fat enough?

I refuse ☝️to have 🍆🛏intercourse 👉👌with🙊 slutty men 🙍‍♂️🙎‍♂️👳‍♂️👮‍♂️👴👨👦who've had lots of sex👉👌 with different women👭👭👱‍♀️🙍‍♀️👧👵. Because every time🕝⏲🕰⏰⏳ they put their penis🍆🍌🥒🍆 into a vagina🌮🌮 it gets squeezed🤜✊ into a smaller size.🦐👌
Real men 👨‍🎓👨‍🎓👴👨‍🏫👼save their🍆🍌🥒 ♥♥♥♥♥ for 💍💒✋marriage 🤵🍾🥂👰& god 📿⛪& their🤴👰 future wives💍📿💑 so they can have giant 💪💦virgin 📿🍆🍌♥♥♥♥♥. 🍆🥒🍌

mods hate this 😠🤬
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What do we consider pre nut? An hour before? A day before? How about post nut? The same? No, young scholars. We are constantly pre and post nut. We haven't nutted yet, but we already have. We are always in a perpetual state of before and after.

Thanos completely settles the abortion debate in the United States.

Think about it.

At the point Thanos snaps, there will be some arbitrary universal constant for what happens to pregnant women. If pregnant women disappear with their fetuses, then it becomes an objective fact that fetuses are not human. But if say, for example, women have spontaneous phantom pregnancies or there’s just a ton of fetuses lying on the ground, then the pro-life people are right and Roe V Wade gets repealed. If it’s a mix, then you have enough empirical data to determine at which point the universe decides a fetus is a human and build the law from that.

Thank you Thanos for settling this major political divide in our country.

my love letters

What the ♥♥♥♥ did you just make me read

fiwst time mastuwbating duwing an onwine cwass on Zoom.. I was a bit intimidated to stawt but once I got into it,it fewt pwetty natuwaw. I made suwe to tuwn my face away fwom the camewa when I finished too.. Being abwe to do this whiwe stawing at my cwush in weaw time was amazing

May I, a woman respecting and feminist- supportive male, see at least one breast from you my queen? I do not mean to come on as an improper male, and if this request disturbs you, please make me aware. You, my queen, deserve the utmost respect of any female. However, many of my gender seem to sexualize women and view them as sex toys. However, my Queen, I do not share these views. Rather, I value the female spectrum of the human race as the superior, and I, a respectful male, request for the viewing of an isolated, singular breast from your body. I await your response my Queen.

I'll miss u

brb three months

Thank you!

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help.

mm girl JUOISY BAIEBEY

HISSSSSS

i ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti

Send pics

Today, I saw a lizard at my school. I was like m'kay lizards can be anywhere, but then I saw the lizard literally everywhere and I thought that the lizard spying on me, so I cut his tail. Then his tail grew again into a giant tail. He kicked my ass with it, so I called isis and taliban to help me destroy the lizard. After 30 minutes of bombing half of the school was destroyed but at least the lizard was dead

you're such a boba slut