Recent reviews by H-var

The only impossible thing about this game is not to love it!

I just want to give this game a thumbs up without throwing any jokes this time. I think it is very underrated. Yes, it's a simple game with simple graphics, but it didn't make it less fun for me. I think it's a very fun game and I like it!

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥'s a fuскіng good game, man, but the freaking Necroa Virus is just brutal, dude. Even on normal it's still brutal :D
If you stuck on the Necroa Virus, bro, don't feel sad - you're not the only one! xDDD
This is one of the best strategy games ever made because of its uniqueness, and execution, not to mention - it's always current, and relevant, no matter if you play it in 1720's, 1820's, 1920's, or 2020's ;'D

DAMN YOU, NECROA VIRUS!!!

The developers keep telling everyone how their RNG is so licensed, and so good, but in reality, you will see straight flushes, quads, and full houses every single hand in this game. That's the good old Pokerscams for you right there. The RNG in this game is right on par with the Riggedstars, and in case, if you didn't know, in Pokerstars, RNG stands for Rigged Number Generator. Not only it's a Rigged Number Generator, but it is also a licensed one, and the pokerscams are just keep on throwing their stupid pdf file left and right for everyone to download. Yeah, we get it - your rigged number generator is licensed.

Another game breaking aspect of this software are the players - this game is filled with extremely toxic people who I saw sexually harassing female players, throwing items into people's faces, and swearing left and right, bullying, being racist, and worse. There are also many underage players here, and you can clearly see, and here that they are kids. I tried reporting via the report system the underage players, and people who sexually harassed others, but they were never banned - I kept seeing them even several days after my reports.

The final horrible thing about this software is that it is extremely buggy - if you register to a tournament, you might often see people getting "bugged out", while being still present in the game - they cannot do anything, and the game cannot progress until they willfully leave. However, if they leave, or accidentally get a connection loss, they can never come back to that tournament. I myself suffered from this as well - I was registered in a tournament, and then I bugged out. When I logged back in, I realized that I was unable to come back again.
People bugging out, cards, chips, everything feels like holding on its last legs here in this game, and is about to just fall apart. This is probably the worst 3D game programming I have ever seen in my life..

Enjoy

Bastion is probably one of the worst "highly recommended" games on steam that have ever existed. I was pretty excited about the winter discount, but not having much budget, I decided to trust the reviews, and get a versatile bunch of the most recommended ones for the buck. Holy Christmas, did I learn once freakin' again that you should never trust the public opinion. Pontius Pilates trusted the public (funny coincidence - they were also all bots), and decided to kill Jesus. Worst decision ever, lol. This game is Barabbas, reviews to this game are shallow bought on cheap, absolutely oblivous public, gathered in front of Pilate on the passover, I'm Pontius, and my wallet is Jesus.

You've been warned twice. First, by Bible, and then by me - your STEAM Savior.

As for MY moneh... Quad scripsi, scripsi.
FML.

Don't look at the time I "spent" on this game - I was so bored of it most of the time, I had to ALT+TAB every ten minutes to watch some movie, or something. If you play this game in one go, you can easily beat it in one hour, or less. This game doesn't cost its money. If it was for 2$, then you can get it,
BUT
be prepared - this is just another one of those "eternal truths of life and existence" kinda games where the developers have suddenly realized they are the ghandis of steam.
Why is there a song about some end of the world? I have no idea. I guess, it's just yet another case of autistic developers getting a boner on the images of the exploding earth. Typical sociopathic clusterfk of a five minute bottom of the barrel, forgotten by the garbage men, hard to scrape off, covered in yeast trash.

I'm actually happy this game is so short. After playing it, I have one suggestion to the devs - make it even shorter. In fact, make it so short, that as soon as you press play, the game will crash, uninstall itself, and refund me my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ MONEY!!!

I'm so fed up with these games made by confused teenagers, who are trying to teach me the "biggest truths of the universe and existence".

This game doesn't know what it wants to be. It makes me feel like at first, the developers wanted to make a puzzle game, but then they got so proud of themselves that they started thinking they're gods, or some sort of wizards of life. So, the devs started putting in some dumbest "world truths", and "eternal wisdoms" into the game, and turned it into a cult of suicidal brainwashing.

I say, hey you, Ghandis of steam. Your emolosophy belongs on a low quality grayscale internet picture with a background of a person sadly looking into a window, something a spoiled anorexic chick would upload on her instagram.

This game was made by a group of depressed autists who are trying to tell you that killing yourself is just a step into the brighter future. The irony though is that playing this trash made me believe that there is no future for humanity.

This game tries to appeal to a group of people that doesn't exist on earth - hot shallow-minded gold-diggers who love rubik's cubes, fps shooters, and logical puzzles.
The dev team is very lucky, and should be very thankful to the homosexual males - they kinda here and there hit the perfect spot for this game's target audience, and also are the people who "recommended" it for others to play. Sucking сосks in the morning, and adoring this game in the evening.

Stellaris could be a great strategy game. I am a huge fan of sci-fi mystery movies about space exploration and revelations it hides, so this game looked like a great choice. This is where fun ends.

Why I do not recommend this game:
1. It was developed on an old 32-bit engine, so no matter how powerful your CPU is, somewhere in the mid-game you'll inevitably start experiencing terrible performance issues, and the further in the game you'll be the worse the issues will become. Somewhere in the late game the performance was so terrible, I could not continue the game at all. It became completely unresponsive. This is all because of the limitations of the old game engine, so I repeat, it does not matter how powerful your CPU is - be prepared to get frustrated after spending tens of hours on building, only to realize that you cannot finish the game properly.

2. This game looks uninspired. All the aliens look like they evolved on Earth. We have either insects, or plants, or freaking parrots in space suits trying to conquer the galaxy, and become superior. How come they all look like they are from Earth? Why can't there be let's say some "greys", or intelligent flying electric spheres. Instead, all the aliens look like they are a product of Darwin's dreams after a hard night of boozing. Ridiculous. Uninspired. Disappointing.

3. Politics. That's all this game is. You cannot roll through the entire galaxy with your OP forces (as anyone would do in the real world). Instead, you are allowed to conquer only 2-4 planets at a time, and then forced to wait 10 years before you can fight again. Why? This game is like your annoying mom that pulls the monitor plug every time you're winning. So annoying, and unneccessary. Just let me ♥♥♥♥♥ destroy everyone, and take over the galaxy! If there are 300 planets, and you can conquer only 2 every 10 years, imagine how long it will take to play just one single player mission. I can tell you how long because I tried. It took me around hundred hours to finish just one mission, and at the end of that I feel no satisfaction. I feel like I am finally done with an annoying chore, and thinking about this just makes me angry. MAKES ME ANGRY!

4. There are no differences in powers between aliens. Everything, and everyone is absolutely the same. How about that for the fun? The only difference is a picture of an alien. Everything else is the same. How can someone create a strategy game where there is absolutely no difference between powers? That's just another sign of a rushed, uninspired game that deserves to be in a hall of shame.

5. 95% of this game is reading text, interacting with politicans, and making political decisions towards other aliens. It's like some election game or something. I guess they wanted to make a game about politics, and elections, and promises they make, but they realized that no one would buy that crap, and at the last moment they just converted the whole thing into the space game. They just swapped the presidents with aliens, and shat that crap out onto the market.
If you are looking for some action you won't find it here. The only action here is jerking the more powerful presidents off until you become more powerful, and then it's a choppy bugged fight that looks just ugly, and lasts for minutes. After that, back to the politics. What a trash.

6. This game is boring. It's so boring it will make you rethink your life choices over, and over, until you feel absolutely ashamed of your life.

7. It's full of bugs, and glitches. It just looks like people who made the game are not professionals, but rather some guys who got together, and made an experimental game over night. Total trainwreck.

Even if politics, and management, and accounting is something that gives you a boner, I still not recommend this game because at the mid- end-game stages it becomes completely unplayable.

What a garbage.

The card game in Witcher 3 was much more fun than this, and that was just a mini-game. This is a full game, and it just fails to satisfy.

I have an archer card, so I press "ATTACK", and guess what heppens next? an arrow flies into the enemy, or maybe an archer uses her bow? Nope. The Fu King card itself beats the people with its corners, lol. So dumb, it's laughable.

Total trash.

SOMA is the reason I believe in a brighter future of the gaming industry. The story is one of the best I've seen in my life, not just in games, but in books, or movies as well. The ending that will make you cry, and you would not be able to explain why. It just overwhelms you with emotions that you cannot understand, and cope with.

Graphics: 7 DirectXes out of 10 Vulkans
Sci-fi Story 100 Stephen Kings out of 8 Ridley Scotts
Music: 10 Mick Jaggers out of 2 Kayne Wests
Puzzles: 3 Bermude Angles out of 1 Bermude Triangle
Atmosphere: 1000Psi out of 1Atm
Overall: >2115 years out of 1 Jesuses Birth