My close friend, mentor, and personal acupuncturist Dr. Barnaby Honeysuckle broke some serious news to me. He told me that though I was once within the top percentile of fitness for my age, the way I've sacrificed my body for the betterment of humanity has caught up with me. The concentrated combination of caffine, croissants, and spaghetti is rotting my intestines. If I do not take immediate measures to release the toxins from my body, there could be permanent repercussions not just to my body, but to my e-sports career.