"This game resonates with me. Like y'know how, theoretically, if you're exposed to a powerful enough resonant frequency, your head will explode? Well, that's not really what I'm talking about. I mean this game just captivated me on every level."

"Corn is no place for a mighty warrior!"

"Don't be a hero unless you have a rocket launcher. Because if you have a rocket launcher, then of course you're the hero."

"Through the power of hypnotic suggestion and a tank, I was able to convince all these people they were dead."

"I'm the best of the worst, baby! The creme of the crap."

"Suddenly, an 8 foot sub sandwich constrictor engsmsploded out of nowhere!"

"Watch me swooce right in!"

"In fact, I'll win a fight against anything that doesn't fight."

"Shooting three nuns to death is not really different from shooting four nuns to death. Right? I mean like, morally?"

"I've seen paedophile violin players who are less fiddle-y than this."

"Bro, I would never. I would never hurt a bro. I would never do drugs. I would never hurt a drug. I would never do a bro."

"She died doing what she loved. Being a ♥♥♥♥♥♥' idiot."

"I trapped this giant dragonfly over some johnnycakes and now I'm gonna clumsily swing my katana at him until I become a samurai master."

"Well, as Aristotle once famously said, ‘Where’s the bathroom? I really gotta ♥♥♥♥.’"

"Now you listen here, pip-pip. A racist mind is a racist kind. You, you take that to sleep with you tonight cause I know, it's not gonna change hearts and minds in a day. You don't give a man a peanut, expect him to have a farm the next day. But it's aright. It's alright. One day, we will all be equal on this earth. Until then, I'm gonna give you a kiss, muffin."

"I got the gold medal in getting the silver medal."

"Looks like someone is in need of a good wappin'! I've never found a problem in life that couldn't be solved by wappin'."

"Sky's the limit when you don't give a ♥♥♥♥!"

"For any normal person this would be a trivial task. But you, you are an adventurer. Everything is a federal ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ issue for you."

"We did it! We made it look as much like a ♥♥♥♥ as we could!"

"Are you sure you want to face me, helicopter? I'll have you know I've beaten all the Marios."

"Yeah, I guess non-cannibals have a problem with cannibalism, don't they? Weirdos."

"Okay. Fine, yeah. I guess I understand that, in a kind of not-understanding-it-at-all type of way."

"Most conversations are like 'Hello' and then someone gets stabbed in the liver."

"I won't have my daughter bringing a black man into this house until I've tidied up and created a welcoming environment!"

"Mario Paint is a delicate art. You can't rush these things."

"Don't eat bombs."

"Our death ray doesn't seem to be working. I'm standing right in it, and I'm not dead yet."

"You remember fun? I remember fun. Man, I miss fun."

"Earth bees are more hardcore than space bees."

"God; no matter how hard I try, I can never ignore gravity."

"Give peace a chance! Or at least stand still!"

"Radiation is the gift that keeps on giving."

"See, this is why I'm such a good theoretical physicist. I solve problems that shouldn't even exist to begin with."

"My goal is to pee in every major body of water on earth."

"Inside, we're all a bunch of sadists."

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, EVERYONE DIES! "

"Friends are like weeds that scream."

"Teamwork: the ultimate sacrifice."

"We're turning this ship around! The SS We're Done Sucking is about to launch! Dis is your captain speaking! Buckle your seatbelts 'cause this boat is going like freakin' Mach 12!"

“Don't count your chickens before they egg."

"You've made a game for 8-year-olds slightly more of a ripoff. I still don't see how this concerns the military."

"We shouldn't have named this government building "The House of Treason"!"

"Is "having the head of a squirrel" really that super of a power, though?"

"It's surprisingly easy to sneak past corpses."

"Maybe it was the magical sniper fairy, that comes and gives silenced hollow point rounds to people who don't eat their vegetables."

"In my experience, cutting off someone's left foot and using it as a lawyer puppet is a fairly poor legal strategy."

"Gaze ye not into the abyss, lest the abyss's boyfriend get narkey."

"I'd like to think bodyslams are the solution to all of lifes problems. Got an angry neighbor? Just bodyslam them into submission. Dog misbehaving? Just bodyslam that ♥♥♥♥♥. Grandma acting up? Just bodyslam her! You never know!"

"Foiled once again by government regulations and good common sense!"

"Perfectly Normal Industries (By No Means A Military Complex)"

"Well, technically I'm not a real scientist but on the other hand shut up."

"Y'know what, if you're not gonna be mature enough for me to teach you how to use drugs, then maybe you're not responsible enough yet."

"You decided to "put someone out of their misery" by setting them on fire? Dude. Dude ."

"I haven't been in this dimension for a while, it's okay to give children weapons, right?"

"Being dead is a terrible way to make a living."

"Some people have questioned the wisdom of strapping an arsenal of weapons-grade thaumaturgy to your head, but the more mercury fumes you inhale, the more this feels like a good idea."

"I would think that something identifiable as UNSTABLE ORDINANCE would be low on your list of fun and healthy things to carry."

"I leave you alone for five minutes and you're over here punching bees!"

"Well, I'm glad you kids are excited, because I am going to kill myself."

"I can use the pizza to kill the bees."

"Nobody's ♥♥♥♥'s that long, not even Long ♥♥♥♥ Johnson, and he had a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ long ♥♥♥♥. Thus, the name."

"Day 31: I have succeeded in my time reversal experiment. Day 30: I might have a problem here."

"Its diet consists of fruits, plants, small woodland animals, large woodland animals, woodlands, fruit groves, fruit farmers, and small cities."

"Grow food in dirt? Save time - eat dirt."

"She says that it was probably inevitable anyway, and at least this way she avoided a dramatic 'what have I become' moment and was instead defeated in a nude mime fight over thirty gold."

"What's more in the spirit of Christmas than eating ass?"

"There is a good chance all those people will die before the night is done... Alright, the night actually just ended - Before the morn arrives... Well, that also kinda just happened. ♥♥♥♥, all the cool expressions are out."

"I think it's about time we made a sequel to boobs. Boobs 2 will be exactly like normal boobs, only this time they'll be bigger. Donate to my Kinkstarter campaign."

"The doctor said I have a condition called Baader–Meinhof. I've never heard of it. But since he mentioned it, I heard about many people who have it as well."

"You ever try to kill a plant with a gun? It's not very effective! Next time you try to weed your front lawn, try using a pistol to do it!"

"Gaius explains that there’s a large gap between “not being averse to someone’s presence” and “liking them”. You tell him your bar is really low and this counts as a win. He is your friend now, there is no escape."

"Unfortunately, you died before you could kill yourself."

"Wow. If I had a nickel for every time I was doomed by a puppet, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?"

"A single gunshot can permanently damage your hearing, especially if you die."

"The moral high ground does not provide effective cover from small arms fire."

"They didn't really catch on until they were invented."