You came for my profile but all you got were bad puns...
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What does a clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.

What's the difference between a dog and a well dressed man?
The man wears a suit, the dog just pants.

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette.

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat miner.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.

What did the taxidermist's sign say?
Don't feed the animals. They are already stuffed.

What do you call a veterinarian with laryngitis?
A hoarse doctor.

How can a leopard change his spots?
By moving.

Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner?
He got the cold shoulder.