gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she's got a glassy, jarred look on her face and she's not answering

ohshitohshitohshitohshit

i rush her into my car and speed all the way to the hospital

she's still bleeding everywhere

by the time we get there, she's not bleeding much anymore, but all the color has drained and she looks colorless and almost transparent

oh ♥♥♥♥, she looks like she's in a vegetative state

storm into to the emergency room, cary her to the nearest doctor and explain eveything

he takes one look at ther and says

"sir, i'm sorry, there's nothing we can do"

"WHY THE ♥♥♥♥ NOT???"

"we don't operate on empty jars of spaghetti sauce"

How do i tell my bf i want to walk him at a dog park with a dog collar and pet him for being a good boy and beat him when he barks at other humans without him thinking im memeing

Second grade survival guide:

• second grade gets HARD. Stay on top of all your homework.

• in sexond grade you learn the hard $hit. Multiplication is no joke. may b get a tutor

• grammer and speling will kill you so practiece a lot

• dronk water

• study 40 hours a day

• dating gets real. this is the grade to get a serious boy/girlfriend. this isn’t 1st grade anymore. cooties aren’t a thing anymore.

• if u get a bad grade punch ur teacher in their crotch!

• 99.99% of people lose their virginity in 2nd grade. don’t get left behind

• girls: no more shopping at justice or baby gap anymore. shop at the real stores now. Like Victoria secret and brandy Melville

• guys: wear heelies to get all the hoes

• you should defiantly know where you wanna go to college at this point

• take all ap classes

• $hit your pants on the first day of school to assert your dominance

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truly a beautiful sexy young boy

+ rep good trader