coolest :3

"Who’s Joe?" a distant voice asks.

Instantly everyone nearby hears the sound of 1,000s of bricks rapidly shuffling towards his location.

The earth itself seemed to cry out in agony, until finally the ground itself split open and a horrific creature crawled from the ground, covered in mucus and tar.

”Joe Momma…” the creature whispered.

The man cried out in pain as he disintegrated into dust, and the whole world fell silent in fear.

"I did a little trolling." the wretched creature remarked before burrowing back into the earth.

cool

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended. Four ruffians break into my house. "What the devil?" As I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle. Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot. Draw my pistol on the second man, miss him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbors dog. I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot, "Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms. Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion. He Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up. Just as the founding fathers intended.

░P░U░S░S░Y░ ░I░N░ ░B░I░O░

i love you