Never forget our heavenly Father YHWH (YahWeh) loves and forgives you no matter what! His love and forgiveness renews each and every day. Have faith and trust in our Heavenly Father, accept that he came down in the flesh, died on that cross for our sins, and then rose from the dead 3 days later. If you think I'm crazy, then ill say this, I am 1000% confident he WILL show you at least ONE sign to give you the chance to come and follow him and be the child of God you were meant to be. I love you my brothers and sisters, have a blessed day.