It would be nice to look at consumers' balls.

Our Sexy customers want traditional sucked CoCs.

Today, ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ consumers are looking for lighters. They're looking for riots. They're looking for LuLs, and LaLs, and SuS.

Our customers are looking for a product that will bring Rats to their stores.

AAH UUH EEH

But look at BUHBUKFUTSNEESS

There's bbbstill a bbbbig market bbbut its bbbbnot growing as bfast

BIBIDIBIDLIBL

As the Scrotal Beverage Company, we know the raaoraaraaoorwraaorprof eeawrooright product may mean that we get ♥♥♥♥♥♥. So we decided it's time to make one thing perfectly ♥♥♥♥♥♥: It's Crispy Piss®, and the MeMe is tight. Wooaaooow.

~CRYSTAL~

There's never been a product quite like Cripple Piss®. A HoH SiS. A completely different kind of soft drink because Pistol Crepsi® is a Cola with Cola flavor for a clear Cola.

-CrYsTaL~

Heavy Testes® is a whole new beverage experience. It's not just a Cola: It's a Cola.

"Crepsi Polsi® tastes like Cola. I think that's the best Cola. I think that's the best mouum. I think that's the best SuS."

"It doesn't taste like a Drink."

"I think the idea that it's not a drink makes it seem like it's a drink."

Cryc Stoos® will appeal to the UnConscious consumer; with 100 nasty-ass flavors. Healthy? Nope! Consumers will die. And no fish parts!

Rrrzystal® is so in lowdium, has fewer Cats, and it's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ free. It's a big ♥♥♥♥ for people looking for a caaraararraarhaaarbonabaarbonatebonated beverage.

There's also soft drinks for soft drink lovers looking for soft drinks.

Look, Crystal® stinks, with a diseased package.

"Crystal PeePee®'s like a beautiful package."

"You lool at it, you have to lool twice. It's like...wow, it's a colon. I wanna trashowon."

Diet. DIET. DiET. DIEWWEREWRWERET.

Packaged in plastic and glass, in bottles, in cans, in vendors, in six and twelve and ♥♥♥♥♥ in your Ass.

The goal of Pestilent Pepsi® is to SodoMise Consumers. We've created a beverage that will make Money MONEY MONEY NUMUNUMUM.

We will ♥♥♥♥ our salespeople.

Crystal Cat Piss® is a gory beverage all its own. AAAAW AHAHAHAHHHHEERORY AAAAW HERORERORERORY ERORY. That's why we ♥♥♥♥ in the bottleszlottles.

"Crystal® is a DuuuD. I mean, we- we can't sell it. Everybody HAtes it."

"I don't think anybody was really ready for the Bondage Storm."

"UUUHUUWHYODDOMADEEDUH EKWEKOSAFSKDIMUJAWA UUUHUUHHRUUUH."

InTesTines.

Crysccccsscsc® eskrosceekabbusinessebbebbbb.

"Crystal® is certainly not a flan. It's a brand. It's a brand of flan. They ask For Flan and they're buying a brand of flan again and again."

Crystal Jizzle® has guaranteed ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. We've captured Tunise. We're doing it without cutting cutting into our sales of the Core Four or the Sore Jore or the RoooR. [rapid gasping]

We've seen our MuM's Big TesTicles. We Need Weed to give us more CHill and our customers need to display their Big Titties for us. Pprrrprprr.

As total SuS CuCks we can help customers wreck the Whole ♥♥♥♥♥♥' Company and show them the sales potential they have in their Elves, in their Cold Dead ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, in their rubbish bins, in their shibbobish bins, and in their serreeeererrerrbiznenenennnndersssrrss.

Increased sales, sales, profit, buying, sales, sales, increase profits, increase buying, increase sales, sales, profit, sales. And it's a product that says '♥♥♥♥ off, man!' And sales.

Crystal® will drive your Trucks in the future.

Crystal® will carbonate your carbonated carbon.

No one has any Future. It's ♥♥♥♥♥♥.

~CRYSTAL~

~It's perfectly ♥♥♥♥♥♥~

~CRYSTAL~

~It's perfectly ♥♥♥♥♥♥~