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It all started last summer when I moved into my new apartment. It was cheap, sure, but no one told me about…. the incident. Apparently, some guy named Jerry (not Seinfeld) disappeared in the middle of the night, and the only thing they found in his room was an empty bottle of piss and a sticky (not c um) note that just said: “♥♥♥♥♥ HE COMIN.”
Fast forward to my first night there. I’m chilling on the couch, watching gay porn, when I hear this weird noise. It’s like… a wet shoe slapping against a linoleum floor. SPLAP… SPLAP… SPLAP. I pause the show and call out, “Uh, hello? And then I turns around and there he is DA BIG SCARYMAN, he then go BOO and I go AHH! And then I died from heart attack and died with bonar