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79 of 89 (89%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 9:50am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 9:55am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2015 @ 6:21am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 20 Aug, 2021 @ 5:06am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 10:11am

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 8:16am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 10:35am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 4:34am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 6:04am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 9:46am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2015 @ 5:36am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 8:10am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 10:25am

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 1:32am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 12:26am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2015 @ 5:31am

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 7:01am

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 9:25am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 6:54am

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 9:52am

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 5:57am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 6:44am

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2015 @ 6:46am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2015 @ 5:46am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 6:22am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 20 Aug, 2021 @ 6:05am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 20 Aug, 2021 @ 5:39am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 12:20am

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 5:37am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 6:29am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 5:14am

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 5:35am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 8:15am

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 10:23am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 4:37am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 19 Apr, 2015 @ 9:45am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 4:23am

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 4:04am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 22 Apr, 2015 @ 6:16am

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 20 Aug, 2021 @ 5:29am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 3:07am

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 4:11am

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 10:01am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2015 @ 6:28am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2015 @ 6:29am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 9:44am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 5:35am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 14 Apr, 2015 @ 9:46am

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2015 @ 6:28am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 5:42am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 20 Aug, 2021 @ 4:02am

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 3:11am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 5:34am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 15 Apr, 2015 @ 6:22am

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 20 Aug, 2021 @ 5:58am

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 26 Aug, 2021 @ 9:19am

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 21 Apr, 2015 @ 6:13am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 17 Apr, 2015 @ 5:03am

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 22 Aug, 2021 @ 2:38am

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 6:32am

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 26 Aug, 2021 @ 9:10am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 10:28am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 11:50am

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 1:10pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 2:22pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 22 Aug, 2021 @ 3:20am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 22 Aug, 2021 @ 4:39am

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Unlocked 26 Aug, 2021 @ 10:00am

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 26 Aug, 2021 @ 10:07am

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 26 Aug, 2021 @ 10:00am

Ape Gape

Escaped the Animal Control Center with all monkeys alive.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 11:35am

PooMasher

Bought the toilet paper instead of stealing it.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 12:26pm

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 1:53pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 22 Aug, 2021 @ 1:44am

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 22 Aug, 2021 @ 1:46am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 12:46pm

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 2:10pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 1:59am

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2021 @ 1:49am



Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
+5

5 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked