Can't take it, never could
Time to end it, wish you would
Friends and family, their all gone
Life for you is just a con
Dig yourself a hole in the ground
Push up daisies six feet down
Take a dirt nap, buy the farm
Inject a bubble in your arm
KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF
Why don't you kill yourself
Don't rely on no one else,
End it all, just kill yourself
KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF
Why don't you kill yourself
Don't rely on no one else,
End it all, just kill yourself
Now
Life is just a one way ticket
Everyone must go around
Here's a bucket, go and kick it
Slit your wrists without a sound
When you go don't make a big deal
No dramatics, don't overplay
Cause don't you know that we'll all feel
Better once you've gone away
KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF
Why don't you kill yourself
Don't rely on no one else,
End it all, just kill yourself
KILL YOURSELF, KILL YOURSELF
Why don't you kill yourself
Don't rely on no one else,
End it all, just kill yourself
Now
You're a loser, at everything you do.
A worthless loser, there's nothing left for you
KILL YOURSELF NOW!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I am teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypoten-potenuse!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous
I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from The Frogs of Aristophanes!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore!
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-Pinafore!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!

[MAJOR-GENERAL]
In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a Javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"
When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee!
You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a, sat a gee!
[MAJOR-GENERAL]
For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

[Chorus OF GIRLS]
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General!