Senaste recensioner av WoogieMonsutā

Note: None of this is actual spoilers.


I start the game on a ship at sea, after a couple of pop-ups to get started I notice a sheep in a pin. Sheep are adorable so of course I want to pet the sheep, right? I tell her she's so cute and fluffy I wish I could pet her forever and I ask if can have a tiny piece of her wool. "What?! A piece of my wool? It's bad enough I'm stuck on this boat, now you want to cut a b%$#h?!"

I can take a hint, so I keep walking and see a dog. Doggo! Doggo's are always cool so this must be where the game tells you that you can have a pet, I can't wait to get... "I will bite you directly in your @$$." Uh, don't you mean 'on' my... "I said WTF I meant!!!" I'm starting to think I should not have taken the ability to speak to animals.

Before any other animals can make me feel like crap, the ship is attacked. I run outside and there are MASSIVE Kraken tentacles wrapped around the hull trying to snap the ship in half. I do not know what the Kraken was so angry about, I didn't ask because I watch anime and I know a set-up when I see one.

Most of the crew gets washed up on the shore of a penal colony. I sit on the beach and think about how lucky I am, poking the sand with a stick, and a little crab scuttles by. Hello little crab. "How DARE you address me, puny miserable flesh-stick! I am the most powerful sorcerer IN THE WORLD, I will banish you to the depths of the void with the click of my claw! Your soul will burn in endless agony! You will rue the day you crossed...." She's gonna be a while so I decided to leave, but this rat who saw what happened is like "Wow you just got owned! You look like you still scared, you scared little chicken, bwaak bwaak little chicky chicky!" $%#t-talked by a rat, because FML I guess.

I try to learn to fit in, get on with life, but I got in trouble and was thrown into prison which is odd since this is already a penal colony, so I guess this is technically super-jail? Anyway, I do find an escape tunnel but it's inhabited by giant fire-slugs. I try to sneak passed, but one of them catches me and demands to know what I'm doing. I'm trying to get the hell out of here. She says that's perfect and informs me that she is in fact royalty and in need of a messenger. "You will carry my Royal Decree to all the lands far and wide, Her Royal Majesty is now accepting inquiries and courtships from suitable bachelors of notable lineage!" Ok, so basically you'll let me pass on the condition that I tell people you're single and searching? "Correct! I expect only the finest and most wealthy Courtiers!" But, you're a giant snot-bug. "I am a Queen!" You're also on fire. "I need some d#%k!" Annnnnd I'm out.

- Ambition
- Potential

These two words get thrown around a lot with this (and other) games. They are both great things for a game to have, but sadly they are both abstract projections that you can not play. When you buy a game, don't pay for things you hope will happen in the future, or things that a Dev "thought they could do," but failed, or "wants to do" but not yet. Look at what is actually there in the game and decide if that is worth the asking price, because that is all you're going to get.

This game is not remotely worth its price. A quick look at the Forums, especially the "How to Unlock..." thread gives you an accurate impression of how infuriatingly frustrating the game is in relation to getting new items: many of which require the player to execute sequences of events/actions so unfathomably convoluted that as a former cryptologist I can say concretely that it is easier to hack satellite codes than it is to unlock the best items in this game.

In other reviews you'll see many people complain about the controls. Of all the games I've played, this is the only one that holds the status of having physically hurt me. This game gave me carpal tunnel syndrome, and I had to wear a brace for a month.

I encourage you to read the POSITIVE reviews for this game and I hope you will notice the underlying common theme they all express: "I loved Lego in my childhood..." and/or "Lego is my favorite hobby..." and they are projecting that emotional attachment onto this game, even as those same reviews describe the numerous elements of the game that are simply busted, with no sign of ever being fixed.

That is my observation, Thank You for your time.

Game performance and stability has been purposely sabotaged by developer for the intent of pushing sales of the new game, for which advertisements have also been added to this game.

It's been a few years, so there's not much I can say that was missed/overlooked by other reviews, but I still get someone every once in a while asking "how is the game now," now that the community has dwindled in activity. This is the best way I can describe it:

Playing Borderlands 2 is just like going to a Standup Comedy Club.

You can go alone, have a couple drinks, you'll enjoy yourself. Some of the jokes will be pretty old, but you'll still enjoy the way they are told by the new comedians. At the end of the show you'll go home and think "that was great, I'm glad I did that."

On the other hand. If you go with some of your goofy friends you'll probably all be drunk as hell before the headliner even takes the stage. Absolutely everything will be funny as ♥♥♥♥ because that's just how it is when you're drunk with friends. At times you'll be having so much fun being stupid with each other that you might forget there's a guy on-stage trying to keep your attention. After the show you'll drag yourselves home, wondering where the hell that donkey came from, and swear you'll never do it again... until next weekend when you do it again.

Special Note: Please see the first 2 comments below explaining high hours.

Horse Armor DLC: Wasteland Redux

(2020 Update)
https://gtm.you1.cn/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1131229218

GPS upgraded to VoxNav. She guides my actions, corrects my mistakes, she's no longer trying to get me wrecked but she's definitely tired of my s**t.
10/10 Finding another route... again.

(Original launch review)
http://gtm.you1.cn/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=634023331

Hauling 16 tons of explosive, GPS is directing me to a single-lane "rollercoaster" side-road.
10/10 The explosion is going to be glorious.

This is not a review of the game, it's a comment on the Dev team.

I mentioned to the Dev that I love games like this, but being hemiplegic limits me to only being able to play games that have mouse-movement. It was just an offhanded (pun) comment to explain a question I posted.

Two days later, the Devs sent me a message saying they were able to add a way to use mouse movement. They rewrote their game's control scheme just so I could play.

When people talk about contact they've had with Devs, it's very often negative, highlighting garbage games, dishonest forum activities, scams in Greenlight, etc. That stuff makes it easy to forget that there are some who genuinely care about the quality of their game and about customer support.

Somebody who would go out of their way like this, unsolicited, for a single potential customer... you can't beat that.

No, Todd, it does NOT "just work." It works because we fixed it.

Fallout 4 and Bethesdas antics will forever hold the distinctive honor of being the straw that definitively, concretely, and forevermore broke my fanship.

You're a bigboy now, Bethesda: Your f♥ck-ups aren't cute anymore, they're insulting.

This is how you send a clear and powerful message to your customers, player-base, and fans. And this message we just got was an ear-shattering, bone-liquefying, "♥♥♥♥ YOU, WE JUST WANT YOUR MONEY" blasted right up our buttholes with an acid-lubed, razor-barbed, dildo megaphone.

In the Nevada desert, a package delivery[wo]man suffers "severe cranial trauma" resulting in obsessive compulsive disorder and goes deep-sea diving aboard a spaceship and battles the King of the fish-people while searching for radioactive souvenir rocket toys to use as jet-fuel so a group of religious zombies can launch themselves into heaven.

10/10 I swear I'm not high.

Edit: CLICK HERE for a special message about Game-Play Hours.

My wife was attempting to park the truck: she only needed to reverse a straight line for about 60 feet. I watched this spectacle for 20 minutes and laughed so hard that she threatened to divorce me.

10/10 Would risk 17-year marriage again.