I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I'm [explicit] but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.

I am living in your balls.
You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below:
Why are you living in my balls?
I'm not going to tell you.
You could say I am living in everybody's balls, but in the case I am telling you that I am living in your balls.
In my non-physical form, I am crawling around listening for you. That is all I need to survive in that form. In my physical form, I survive by eating rat corpses that I cook using the ball behind your oven, and I drink the vapour in the extraction fan duct above your shower.
What are you planning to do in my balls?
Live in them, listening to you.
Listen for the scraping. Dont touch the balls. Protect yourself. Avoid lighting candles.
You cannot escape me.
The authorities will not help you.
Be aware.
What if I am ok with you living in my balls?
I will make sure you’re not.
Are you imaginary?
I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR BALLS

+rep gifted me like 5 things for nothing

This is my magic sex gun. All I do is point it at a woman I want to bang, and BANG! She's all over me. How does it work? Go to MagicSexGundotcom . You can have your own! And it's not buying hookers, not using personal sites, and definitely not spanking it to pr0n... so go to MagicSexGundotcom before we take the site down. This magic sex gun works especially well on younger women. Point your magic sex gun at your innocent-looking young coworker and bam! She's sucking your stick below the desk. Point it at the cute young French woman bagging your groceries and bam! She's letting you rail her behind the dumpster. And of course... point it at any girl on a dating app site, and well... you'll feel like you have a sex machine gun with all the women you're mowing down. This is only if you go to MagicSexGundotcom . Get it right now: MagicSexGundotcom . There's only so many magic sex guns available, so you want to get in while the getting is good. MAGICSEXGUNdotCOM!

big balls

+rep cute