The clown

I LOVEEE UUUUU

Dear all,
I regret to inform you that after my recent visit to the shared bathroom, I have managed to clog the toilet and in fact crack it. As you may be aware, a crack means diarrhoea will likely leak out the seams. If you have any care for your mental and physical health, please do not enter this bathroom. Instead, I request you to utilise our neighbour's across the street, Jason's Kebab Van. Again I cannot stress enough, the state of the bathroom is abysmal and I most definitely and regrettably have indeed committed a war crime. Since the situation, I have converted to ALL 236 religions listed on Wikipedia and have been praying to 143 different gods for forgiveness.

Tomorrow, I will be attempting to clear my name by manhandling 98 kilograms/ litres of my own excrement (state of matter yet to be determined). I have prepared my will for the likely chance of no return. I love my wife and daughter. Philis, it was me who ate your lunch every week.

I hope you remember me a hero,
Yusuf

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ cheater + toxic player

hello, i noticed you didn't accept my taliban party invite? if you recall, we spoke about joining the brotherhood. so i am confused as to why you are ignoring us. i have sent photo proof of your new members only gift package. It is ready to be shipped to your home address. we are waiting for you to accept our party request and confirm your identity using our user friendly mobile authentication app (available on the apple, android and google play store)

as you may be aware, a man with your build and physique is capable of concealing 30% more plastic explosives compared to our heroes of our homeland. since you are a prime candidate with pure beliefs and fantastic intentions, we are willing to negotiate with Allah the almighty to award you with 73 virgins

we look forward to working with you and hope to see you a part of our team in the nearest future

kindest regards
head of marketing and recruiting at ISIS
Yusuf Amir Abduallah Mohammed Mohamud Mohammad Hamza Nadeem Waleed Mohammed