Recent reviews by Mr Pinocc

literally a mobile game on my pc that wants to siphon all my hard salary with it's superfluous microtransactions.

literally cannot even join my friends.

Overview

Apex legends does a lot of things well, but it also does a lot of things very poorly and what it does poorly, greatly outweighs everything it does well. It's movement system is super solid and picking up the game and getting used to everything is quite easy. Unfortunately that's where the good things end and the terrible things begin.

Booting up the game

Apart from initial launch taking about 6-8 working days and it destroying what is left of my ear drum, you're in for a nice treat of waiting for the game to connect to the servers for a solid 2-3 minutes.

Actually playing the game

Cool, so you downloaded the game when you were 14 and now that it's done booting up and connecting to the servers you are now 18 so you can legally go buy alcohol in some countries to deal with the trauma of actually playing this god forsaken game.

You can't wait to hop into your first game, which by the way, you will need to be searching either duo or trios as this game does not allow you to play on your own. So you hit the ready button and proceed to wait 5 minutes only to go nowhere.. Why is that? Surely the game can't be dead? There are too many unemployed people that have too much spare time on their hands to populate the servers. One quick Google search later and you have been advised to change your data center as that is most likely the reason you can't find a game. Just hop into the settings and change it like other similar games, right? Ehh not quite. Remember when you picked up knitting waiting for the game to connect to the servers? Yes that's where you change your data center and not in the settings, there is no way to reach that screen without relaunching your game.

It's halfway past winter and your game has finally booted up and connected to the servers, you may now change your data center. The data center that they have assigned to you is not the one in your own country because your country does not matter enough to them, instead they assign you Bahrain-2 which gives you 160 ping and has about 6 people playing on them in a dark basement somewhere in the middle east.

You change your server to something with much higher ping but with a more reliable player count and you're ready to play. You think Wraith is kinda hot so you choose her only to be harassed on your decision because all the 'sweats' use her exclusively, you reluctantly carry on and play the game, your teammate relinquishes jumpmaster to you as if you have any clue on where to land only from them to disconnect shortly after because you wouldn't speak to them in voice chat but you don't speak Portuguese. You are now a solo in a lobby full of duos, but hey, the sliding is pretty sick, right? 2 minutes in and you get legally walled by someone using bloodhound because that's allowed apparently and you're immediately kicked to the lobby. Your next few games have similar outcomes so you decide that it's enough for one day so you hop off.

The next day you think some Apex Legends TM would be fun, so you put 2 hours aside so your game can launch and connect, you get in and hit ready. You cannot find a game again. WHY? Because your data center has been reset to Bahrain-2 all by itself, that means you need to relaunch once more to reset your datacenter yet again.

The downfall

You play for a little bit and eventually get your first victory with randoms and the game has lost its charm.. what more is there to do? There is literally no point in continuing to play as what you were after was easily achieved. If you want a legendary skin for the legend that you like to main, that will keep you playing for a few more weeks until you eventually get it, the game is seriously done now.

If you're fortunate enough to have friends that play the game on a regular basis and could have them take you under their wing, prepare to get absolutely destroyed by the matchmaking as it only takes the player level of your friend into consideration and not yours.

Legends require regular balancing and nerfing as there is no consistency in this game. I have not even played this new season and can already see that the new legend is due for a nerf very soon.

If you're looking for this type of game but just wanna have fun, literally go and play fortnite. If you're after this type of game but want to take it seriously? Download Warzone.

Apex legends

-2/10

this game is literally a pile of waste on a disk, I wish I could take back the time that I spent on this game.

UPDATE 2022: nvm its ok lol

what the ♥♥♥♥

Mafia: The City of Lost Haven

If you are reading this review and are thinking of buying this game or already have the game, the first thing you should absolutely do right now is turn of side roll under the 'other' section in the control settings panel, you wont know what a difference this makes until you've suffered with this on.

I remember playing this game as a child and with the new definitive edition on the horizon I decided to come back and refresh my memory a bit, here's what I've gathered:

The Controls

The controls for Mafia are the worst controls ever binded to a keyboard in the history of gaming.. However they can be quickly changed in the settings.

The Enemies

The enemies are bullet sponges and have the super human ability to shoot you even whilst being penetrated by several bullets whereas your character as soon as he comes into contact with so little as a single bullet; (if you're lucky enough to still be alive) will turn into a literal rock that cannot move for the love of anything holy - leading to your timely death. Enemies LOVE to hide. If they aren't assaulting you with a barrage of bullets, they are busy hiding, leading you into a false sense of security only to send you to the shadow realm the moment you decide it's safe for you to walk.

The Weapons

The weapons in this game are pretty solid. Basically every firearm in this game takes about a fortnight to reload and the only REAL weapon worth using is the tommy gun as it has infinite range, a huge clip of 50 rounds and a solid reload speed that easily beats out the times of any other firearm in the game. Any gun will do really, just make sure you don't use your fist.. There is literally nothing more innocuous in this game than the punches Tommy throws, even melee weapons are a good compromise as for the one mission I somehow missed a stashed revolver and ended up killing the person with a bucket.

The Constabulary

The police drive three different cars. Where one has a whopping 34kw and the other two having 62,5kw. They have a top speed of 100km/h for the first and 175km/h for the other two, those the the claimed stats, however, in game once you encounter a police officer and he starts chasing you for speeding, that 62,5kw turns into a 750kw supra that your friend's uncle at school has. I've seen NASA spaceships take off into the atmosphere slower than the police cars in this game.

Final Thoughts

Mafia: The City of Lost Haven is by far way ahead of it's time with all the subtle little details that shine through. The atmosphere, music and most importantly the story line are absolutely priceless. The level of immersion from a blocky game from 2002 is unreal. This is a title for a true 'gamer' no real difficulty slider because the 'sum bich is dragged all the way up in the background.

This game is broken. This game came out in late 2002 and it shows, but so help me god if it wasn't the best 17 hours I have ever spent during my COVID-19 lockdown.

idk it's actually pretty fun lmao

Saints Row 2 is a love letter from Volution to the 3rd person sandbox genre. There is a reason that such a horrible, bug infested, unstable pc port of a once xbox exclusive, has the positive ratings that it does. Besides the nostalgia factor, this is quite frankly a brilliant game.

This is the last example of a grass-roots, pure game in the gangster genre. This game is very honest and does not take itself too seriously. The mix of wacky crazyness is balanced out with enough seriousness and a sublime story that carries over from it's predecessor.

This game came out in the same year as GTA IV, naturally putting it at risk of being labelled the notorious 'gta clone' That couldn't be further from the truth. Saints Row has always been it's own game and is very good at being just that. If you haven't played the first game on the 360 it's really something to consider because that game in itself is also just as good.

As far as I'm concerned, the Saints Row series ends here, as Saints Row: The Third is an unfortunate disaster of a game and Saints Row IV is a good game, but does the Saints Row name a great injustice.

Although not complete as of yet, it's a brilliant game.

It is impossible to underestimate the Epic Games Store. Epic Games is more about regret management than goal achievement. Epic Games is gray sprinkle on a rainbow cake. I hope out of nowhere, Epic Games gets hit by a wave of corruption and they bleed all the money they have ever garnered. Epic Games, you need to go to the office and think about everything you are. Then change it.

Sorry Borderlands that you're in the way of this but people are greedy.

Would've been better if it was an Epic Store exclusive

Epic games exclusive

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE