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Dumbest Rodent

Philomaeus

Texas, United States

Romanist • Classicist • Philomath • Fervid Bibliophile • Neoplatonist

"My sticky paws were into making straws out of big fat slurpy treats" <3

"Any man may earn, through skill and courage, a single favour,
If he will face the fear of the Ancient City,
And slay the four great guardians who have stolen our citadel."

"Our hero stands before the gods, and asks that if he fulfills their quest, he will join them as an equal."

"Only the hope of the hero's failure comforts them."

"The Warrior departs for the City of Legends, preparing to carve one more story upon its walls."

- Gods

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The Western Roman Empire

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Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II - Retribution

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Glory to the Emperor

+ 36

"Non Nobis Solum Nati Sumus"

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"When the world is at peace, a gentleman keeps his sword by his side." - Wu Tsu

"Roman, remember by your strength to rule
Earth's peoples—for your arts are to be these:
To pacify, to impose the rule of law,
To spare the conquered, battle down the proud."

― Anchises, The Aeneid (6.1151-1154)

"Young Romulus
Will take the leadership, build walls of Mars,
And call by his own name his people Romans.
For these I set no limits, world or time,
But make the gift of empire without end."

― Pronouncement of Jupiter, The Aeneid (1.371-375)

"For Attic phrase in Plato let them seek,
I poach in Suidas for unlicens'd Greek."

― Alexander Pope, The Dunciad (4.227-8)

"My son, ask for thyself another kingdom.
For that which I leave is too small for thee."

— Philip II Macedon

"To the Elysian plain… where life is easiest for men. No snow is there, nor heavy storm, nor ever rain, but ever does Ocean send up blasts of the shrill-blowing West Wind that they may give cooling to men."

— Homer, Odyssey

"A Phrygian King had bound a chariot yoke
And Alexander cut the 'Gordian knot'
And legend said that who untied the knot
He would become the master of Asia"

— Iron Maiden, Alexander the Great

Nigh is the time of the Sword and Axe. Nigh is the time of Madness and Disdain.

I'm just your typical rodent Furry trash nerd with a penchant for History spanning from Antiquity into the Contemporary.
With a particular passion for anything relating to Greco-Roman history and culture.

You may refer to me by my primary username: Philomaeus/Philo.
Which, as a Greek name is pronounced: "Fi-low-may-us" .
Or by my personal name: Matthew/Matt.
I'm not a picky fellow. So feel free to call me whatever you want!

I thoroughly enjoy meeting friendly folk and new faces.
So feel free to drop a comment or send a friend request, and chances are I'll gladly accept you into my little slice of Steam.

For those who want to add me on Discord. My ID is: Philomaeus#0562
Feel free to send me an invite anytime.

My Telegram contact for those interested is: https://t.me/Philomaeus

Though, fair warning that I am much more active on Steam, and easier to get a hold of if I am in-game!

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"Biggus Dickus"

Life of Brian

Scene 13: What's So Funny About Biggus Dickus?

PONTIUS PILATE: ...Make one large living awea. Ahh.

CENTURION: Hail Caesar.

PILATE: Hail.

CENTURION: Only one survivor, sir.

PILATE: Ah. Thwow him to the floor.

CENTURION: What, sir?

PILATE: Thwow him to the floor.

CENTURION: Ah.

whump

BRIAN: Aagh!

PILATE: Hmm. Now, what is your name, Jew?

BRIAN: 'Brian', sir.

PILATE: 'Bwian', eh?

BRIAN: No, no. 'Brian'.

slap

Aah!

PILATE: Hoo hoo hoo ho. The little wascal has spiwit.

CENTURION: Has what, sir?

PILATE: Spiwit.

CENTURION: Yes. He did, sir.

PILATE: No, no. Spiwit, siw. Um, bwavado. A touch of dewwing-do.

CENTURION: Oh. Ahh, about eleven, sir.

PILATE: So, you dare to waid us.

BRIAN: To what, sir?

PILATE: Stwike him, Centuwion, vewy woughly!

slap

BRIAN: Aaah!

CENTURION: Oh, and, uh, throw him to the floor, sir?

PILATE: What?

CENTURION: Thwow him to the floor again, sir?

PILATE: Oh, yes. Thwow him to the floor, please.

BRIAN: Aah!

whump

PILATE: Now, Jewish wapscallion.

BRIAN: I'm not Jewish. I'm a Roman.

PILATE: A Woman?

BRIAN: No, no. Roman.

slap

Aah!

PILATE: So, your father was a Woman. Who was he?

BRIAN: He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrisons.

PILATE: Weally? What was his name?

BRIAN: 'Nortius Maximus'.

CENTURION: Ahh, ha ha!

PILATE: Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?

CENTURION: Well, no, sir.

PILATE: Well, you sound vewy sure. Have you checked?

CENTURION: Well, no, sir. Umm, I think it's a joke, sir,... like, uh, 'Sillius Soddus' or... 'Biggus Dickus', sir.

GUARD #4: chuckling

PILATE: What's so... funny about 'Biggus Dickus'?

CENTURION: Well, it's a joke name, sir.

PILATE: I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called 'Biggus Dickus'.

GUARD #4: chuckling

PILATE: Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in gladiator school vewy quickly with wotten behavior like that.

BRIAN: Can I go now, sir?

slap

Aaah! Eh.

PILATE: Wait till Biggus Dickus hears of this.

GUARD #4: chuckling

PILATE: Wight! Take him away!

CENTURION: Oh, sir, he-- he only--

PILATE: No, no. I want him fighting wabid, wild animals within a week.

CENTURION: Yes, sir. Come on, you.

GUARD #4: Ha ha haa ha, ha ha ha. Hooo hooo hoo hoo. Hoo hoo...

PILATE: I will not have my fwiends widiculed by the common soldiewy. Anybody else feel like a little... giggle... when I mention my fwiend... Biggus...

GUARD #1: chuckling

PILATE: ...Dickus?

GUARD #1: chuckling

PILATE: What about you? Do you find it... wisible... when I say the name... 'Biggus'...

GUARD #3: chuckle

PILATE: ...'Dickus'?

GUARD #1 and GUARD #2: chuckling

PILATE: He has a wife, you know. You know what she's called? She's called... 'Incontinentia'. 'Incontinentia Buttocks'.

GUARDS: laughing

PILATE: Stop! What is all this?

GUARDS: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha...

PILATE: I've had enough of this wowdy webel sniggewing behavior. Silence! Call yourselves Pwaetowian guards? You're not-- Seize him! Seize him! Blow your noses and seize him!

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The Waffle Philosophers - Public Group

We carry the Wisdom of the Almighty Waffle...

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Steam Summer Saliens 2018

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Favorite Game

Shadow Warrior Classic Redux

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Shadow Dragon

100 XP

Achievement Progress 20 of 20

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Favorite Guide

Legendary Eastern Roman Empire Tips

Created by - Antonius1871

25 ratings

Total War: ATTILA

Updated: effectiv and cheap eastern roman empire army Here is some advices and information to win as the Eastern Roman Empire campaign in legendary. It is not the only way to reach victory and probably not the best one, but it was enough for me to archieve

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Roman Expansion

This mod adds new units to the game for the Roman factions. I tried to make them historically accurate, studying descriptions and appearance from various sources available on the Internet. Some units will also strengthen the garrisons of the Roman factions

309 ratings