What's the deal with airplane peanuts? You ever notice how they give you peanuts on airplanes? I mean, what is that about? They give you these tiny little peanuts and you're supposed to be satisfied with that? Like, do they think we're on a plane because we love peanuts? No, we're on a plane because we have to go somewhere, but they give you peanuts like it's a treat or something.

And the bags they give you, it's like they're trying to make a statement. 'Look at how small we can make this bag of peanuts, and you're still gonna eat them because you're trapped on this plane.' It's like they're saying, 'Hey, we know you're not happy to be here, but have a peanut.'

And don't even get me started on the size of the peanuts. They're like baby peanuts. Like they went to the peanut farm and said, 'Gimme the runts.' It's like they're saying, 'Look, we know you're not happy, so have a tiny little peanut.'

And what's with the peanuts on the ground? You ever notice how you always drop some peanuts and then you can't find them? They're like, 'Hey, we know you're not happy, so have a scavenger hunt for your peanuts.'

It's like they're trying to make you forget that you're on a plane. 'Look, peanuts! Forget about the fact that you're 30,000 feet in the air and your life is in the hands of a pilot who's probably never met before.'

But you know what, I'll take the peanuts. I'll take the peanuts, because it's better than nothing. And that's what flying is all about: settling for peanuts.