Why is Audrey so perfect? Her perfect dyed locks. Her beautiful siren voice that serenades even the most resistant opponent. Her eloquence in speaking, her silver tongue activating the serotonin in the brain of whoever is blessed with hearing her enchanting voice. Her perfectly salty and rounded toes, her delicious feet that are a scrumptious delight that never becomes old. Her flawless ball-stomping technique that leaves every portion of the testicle crushed to the ultimate degree, inches away from utter destruction. How can this flawless being known as Audrey possibly exist? The only explanation is that she is divine in nature. She is an angel sent to us by God himself as a blessing upon us poor mortals. She is the fire that lights the darkness within my loins. Audrey is the light, Audrey is the truth, Audrey is the way.

+rep, if the pope calls for another crusade, i nominate this guy to lead it. Deus Vult, my friend

dad?

This is your magnum opus!

So I met this girl who worked at Starbucks, and I worked up the courage to ask her on a date after a couple of conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn't really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I've ever seen and says "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast" and I'm like "No way, you had candy for breakfast?" She replies, "Not candy! Reese's puffs cereal!" So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter and chocolate-y taste attacking my taste buds! She zips my pants back up and says "And it's part of this complete breakfast!"

It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...