Oh 🙀 hello 😍 there! 👌 My 👨 name 📛 is 💦 Nern. I'm 💘 considered the 👏 greatest historian of 💦 our 💩 time... 🕐 I've 👁 gathered a 👌 wealth 💶 of 💦 knowledge 🎓 about 💦 Olathe and 👏 what 😦 happened 👉 here. 👏 Many 👬 tales... Would 👪 you 👈 like 💖 to 💦 hear? 👂 Hmm... 🙋 I 👁 wish 🙏 you 👈 were 👶 more 🍗 enthusiastic... Oh 🙀 well, 😦 I'll 📝 tell 🗣 you 👈 anyway. 🔛 Let's 👫 see.... 👀 Oh 🙀 right! 👌 It 💯 all 💯 started 💢 with 👏 what 😦 I 👁 like 💖 to 💦 call, 📲 THE 👏 FLASH. 📸 I 👁 was 👏 sitting 💺 with 👏 my 👨 wife, 👩 god 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 sipping on 🔛 sweet 🍯 lemon 🍋 tea. I 👁 believe 🌈 it 💯 was 👏 homemade by 😈 my 👨 sweet 🍯 wife, 👩 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul. 💫 Or 💁 wait... 🚏 Maybe 👏 she 👩 bought 💲 it 💯 from 👉 the 👏 store 🏪 in 👏 a 👌 bottle. You 👈 know, 💭 like 💖 a 👌 plastic 💳 bottle? Well 😦 hold 😆 on 🔛 now, 👋 that 😐 would 👪 be 🐝 ridiculous 🙄 to 💦 buy 💸 a 👌 bottle of 💦 sweet 🍯 lemon 🍋 tea, then 😮 transfer the 👏 contents into 👉 a 👌 glass. Why 😡 not 🚫 just 👏 drink 🚱 it 💯 from 👉 the 👏 bottle? I 👁 guess 😦 maybe 👏 so 💯 she 👩 could 🔒 put 😏 ice in 👏 the 👏 glass? But 🍑 then 😮 again, 😬 making 👧 tea homemade would 👪 be 🐝 just 👏 as 🍑 time 🕐 consuming, if 👏 not 🚫 more! 🍗 That 😐 sneaky ♥♥♥♥♥... 😱 Anyway, 🔛 I'll 📝 save 📑 that 😐 story 📖 for 🍆 later! 🕑 So, 💯 I'm 💘 sitting 💺 on 🔛 my 👨 porch drinking 🍻 sweet 🍯 lemon 🍋 tea. From 👉 a 👌 glass of 💦 course, 🏎 ho 💚 ho! 💚 When 🍑 suddenly... A 👌 great 👍 strangeness fills 💦 my 👨 body... 💃 Something 😅 was 👏 wrong... 👎 I've 👁 lived many 👬 years, 📅 and 👏 I've 👁 never 🙅 felt 😎 something 😅 like 💖 this 👈 before. 😂 Do 👌 you 👈 know 💭 what 😦 it 💯 was? 👏 Yup! It 💯 was 👏 my 👨 rocking chair! That 😐 wooden 👃 son 👦 of 💦 a 👌 gun 🔫 stopped 🏽 rocking! So 💯 I 👁 looked 👀 down 🔻 and 👏 realized 💡 a 👌 little 👌 rock 🗿 had 💋 ♥♥♥♥♥♥ 💘 caught 🐾 beneath my 👨 chair! A 👌 rock 🗿 under 😡 my 👨 rocking chair! What 😦 a 👌 day! 🌞 I 👁 decided 👯 it 💯 was 👏 time 🕐 for 🍆 bed, 🛏 I 👁 had 💋 had 💋 a 👌 little 👌 bit 😁 too 😡 much 🔥 excitement 🍆 for 🍆 one 😤 day! 🌞 Hoho! I 👁 slid into 👉 my 👨 jammies, brushed my 👨 teeth, 👄 and 👏 said 💬 my 👨 prayers. As 🍑 I 👁 was 👏 climbing into 👉 bed 🛏 I 👁 noticed 🙀 my 👨 wife, 👩 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 brushing her 👩 hair 💈 in 👏 the 👏 bathroom. 🚽 As 🍑 I 👁 peered across 👏 the 👏 hall my 👨 body 💃 swelled up 🔺 with 👏 emotion... "Why can't 🚫 I 👁 be 🐝 married 👰 to 💦 an 👹 attractive 💌 woman?" "Is it 💯 me?" "My bank 💦 account?" I'm a 👌 tall 👆 guy, 👱 I 👁 workout forty minutes 😲 a 👌 week... 😣 Is 💦 that 😐 not 🚫 enough? 💦 Now 👋 my 👨 neighbor at 🍆 the 👏 time, 🕐 Tom Forknight, was 👏 very 👌 short. 🚸 His 💦 wife, 👩 Karen Forknight-Plateburger... Yeah, 💕 one 😤 of 💦 THOSE 🐥 women. 👩 Well, 😦 she 👩 was 👏 more 🍗 attractive 💌 than 👉 my 👨 wife. 👩 I'd 🙏 say 🗣 she 👩 was 👏 a 👌 soft six, 🕐 whereas my 👨 wife 👩 was 👏 a 👌 hard 🍆 four. 👨 What's 😦 the 👏 deal? 🙅 I 👁 thought 💭 women 👩 liked 😍 tall 👆 men? 🚹 Why 😡 was 👏 Karen with 👏 him? 👴 Anyway 🔛 my 👨 horse 🐴 of 💦 a 👌 wife, 👩 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 crawled 🚼 into 👉 bed 🛏 next 👉 to 💦 me. 😭 She 👩 decided 👯 to 💦 leave 🍃 the 👏 bedside light 🔅 on 🔛 so 💯 she 👩 could 🔒 read 📘 her 👩 book. 💦 It 💯 was 👏 one 😤 of 💦 her 👩 romance novels again... 😬 Give 👉 me 😭 a 👌 break... 💔 As 🍑 if 👏 I 👁 don't 🚫 already 👋 feel 😁 inadequate enough... 💦 Not 🚫 only 🕦 do 👌 I 👁 have 👏 to 💦 compete 💯 with 👏 Tom, now 👋 I 👁 have 👏 to 💦 deal 🙅 with 👏 these 👈 fictional hunks! Ay yai yai! At 🍆 this 👈 point 📍 I 👁 had 💋 already 👋 suppressed the 👏 urges of 💦 intimacy, I 👁 rolled over 👏 and 👏 tried 👀 to 💦 sleep. 💤 Her 👩 bedside light 🔅 was 👏 only 🕦 of 💦 minor 👶 annoyance. I 👁 was 👏 able 💪 to 💦 drift off... 📴 Then 😮 I 👁 woke 😯 up 🔺 to 💦 a 👌 big 🍆 flash 📸 of 💦 light. 🔅 That's 😦 about 💦 it. 💯 I 👁 can 💦 tell 🗣 by 😈 the 👏 way 💫 you're 👉 walking 🚶 away 😐 that 😐 you 👈 don't 🚫 want 👏 to 💦 leave... 🍃 If 👏 you 👈 really 😍 want 👏 to 💦 hear 👂 another 🔄 story 📖 I'll 📝 tell 🗣 you. 👈 Once 🔂 upon 👦 a 👌 hot 🔥 summer 🌞 night. 🌙 Sometime in 👏 July... 📅 Was 👏 it 💯 July? 📅 My 👨 local 📰 grocery store 🏪 sells really 😍 good 👌 eggs 🍳 in 👏 July. 📅 I 👁 don't 🚫 know 💭 why. 😡 Do 👌 chickens operate better 👍 in 👏 heat? 😅 Fireworks 💦 maybe? 👏 I 👁 don't 🚫 know. 💭 I 👁 don't 🚫 want 👏 to 💦 get 🔟 off 📴 topic. Point 📍 is, 💦 the 👏 eggs 🍳 that 😐 Summer 🌞 were 👶 marvelous! Anyway, 🔛 my 👨 wife 👩 and 👏 I, 👁 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 went 👏 to 💦 a 👌 BBQ 😭 that 😐 night. 🌙 It 💯 was 👏 held 👏 at 🍆 Dale Spooner's house. Well, his 💦 backyard... Conny Spooner doesn't 😳 want 👏 people 👨 in 👏 her 👩 home, 🏡 I 👁 think 💭 she's 😻 just 👏 an 👹 uptight ♥♥♥♥♥. 😱 So 💯 at 🍆 this 👈 BBQ 😭 I 👁 see 👀 none 😔 other 👪 than... 👉 That's 😦 right, 👌 Tom Forknight... Now 👋 earlier 🕔 in 👏 the 👏 day 🌞 wife, 👩 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 had 💋 made 👑 potato 🍠 salad for 🍆 the 👏 BBQ. 😭 Personally 💻 I 👁 hate 😡 potato 🍠 salad, I'm 💘 a 👌 mashed kind 🙁 of 💦 fellow. 👯 Hoho! So 💯 I 👁 sat in 👏 the 👏 TV 📺 room 💯 avoiding 👋 her 👩 till 🔥 the 👏 BBQ. 😭 Once 🔂 we 👥 were 👶 at 🍆 the 👏 party, 🎉 I 👁 made 👑 sure 👍 to 💦 distance myself 💀 from 👉 my 👨 dumb 👅 potato 🍠 ♥♥♥♥♥ 😱 wife. 👩 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 I 👁 just 👏 didn't 🚫 want 👏 anyone 🙋 to 💦 think 💭 I 👁 would 👪 associate with 👏 someone 👤 that 😐 would 👪 bring 🚶 a 👌 potato 🍠 salad! Anyway, 🔛 Tom and 👏 his 💦 above 🔝 mediocre 😬 wife 👩 were 👶 already 👋 there. 👌 And 👏 get 🔟 this, 👈 they 👥 brought a 👌 fruit 🍒 salad! With 👏 whipped 👋 cream! 💦 The 👏 nerve of 💦 those 🐥 Forknights! Needless to 💦 say 🗣 I 👁 gave 🎁 my 👨 wife, 👩 God 😇 rest 😪 her 👩 soul, 💫 a 👌 couple 👌 choice 🔞 words 📓 About 💦 whipped 👋 cream! 💦 Versus potato 🍠 salad! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥! 😱 A 👌 real 💯 tongue 👅 lashing! Geez, you're 👉 kind 🙁 of 💦 smothering me. 😭 I'll 📝 talk 💬 to 💦 you 👈 later.