God's Chosen Procrastinator » Games » POSTAL 2 Stats

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62 of 89 (70%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 5:31am

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:04am

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 10:54am

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 16 Jan, 2022 @ 6:27am

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:45am

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:56am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 9:49am

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 11:21am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 3:45pm

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 4:49pm

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 3:23am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 5:19am

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 24 Jun, 2015 @ 6:24am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 19 Jan, 2022 @ 6:21am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 2:59pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 10:53am

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 24 Jun, 2015 @ 3:02pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 10:46am

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 9:13am

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 4:00am

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 7:09am

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 5:52am

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 2:57pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 11:04am

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 3:41pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 3:21pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 11 Jan, 2022 @ 8:31am

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 10:54am

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 11:45am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 24 Jun, 2015 @ 2:48pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 10:22am

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 2:55am

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2022 @ 12:12pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 3:46pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 5:33am

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:58am

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 3 Oct, 2016 @ 12:39pm

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:54am

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:41am

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 3:48pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 6:59am

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 11:11am

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 18 Jan, 2022 @ 7:38am

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 30 Jan, 2022 @ 6:58am

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2015 @ 4:09pm

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 24 Jun, 2015 @ 6:05am

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 5:21am

GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 12:48pm

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 1:52pm

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 3:11pm

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Unlocked 18 Jun, 2015 @ 9:01am

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.
Unlocked 18 Jun, 2015 @ 10:45am

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Unlocked 25 Jan, 2022 @ 8:51am

Hobo Sexual

Collected money for charity without stealing from Zack Ward.
Unlocked 20 Jun, 2015 @ 7:37am

Ginger Mint

Killed Zack Ward.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 2:51pm

Ode to Eddings

Deactivated all of the Vend-A-Cure XJ-2 units.
Unlocked 21 Jan, 2022 @ 2:36pm

Ladies Love Cake

Defeated your hateful ex-wife with delicious cake.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 3:10pm

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
Unlocked 19 Jun, 2015 @ 1:16pm

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Unlocked 18 Jun, 2015 @ 9:33am

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
Unlocked 30 Jan, 2022 @ 6:47am

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2015 @ 2:53pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 10 Jan, 2022 @ 11:52am



Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
7 / 30

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
6 / 30

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
17 / 30

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
2 / 10

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
26 / 30

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
8 / 20

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+8

8 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked