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I am a Counter-Terrorist with a s1mple lifelong dream

To Defoose a C4 bomb with my 5-strong team

So I got in a queue and waited my turn

Till it was Thai mmmm for my match to confirmmm

So as the game loaded in I shook with anticipation

Until shrieks of 'cyka' destroyed my desire of fellation

For to my dismay I'd been matched with a clan

Of russian patriots who were stalin's biggest fan

So as the warmup ended they declared 'RASH B'

Their microphones obnoxious and loud as can be

But as they stood in spawn with the timer counting down

On the clan leader's face there began to form a frown

He glared into my crotch with his crosshair on my head

And asked me if I'm russian, for if I'm not I should be in your bed

But as I replied 'da' I knew I was in a trap

As him and all his mates started spouting russian crap

And I didn't understand a word so I just stood there and waited

Knowing when the round started I was going to be baited

When I found myself alone in tunnels I knew I'd been tricked

But as they rushed out long their leader got picked

So they all crouched in pit with their A rush dream shattered

Not to mention their comrade, whose brains had been splattered

Then along came an enemy with aimhacks and walls

And the russians screamed 'CYKA, THIS GAME SUCKS BALLS'

So they abandoned the match and I was left all alone

With a team of dumb bots who were sadly quite prone

To rush CT spawn with a bizon SMG

And I thought to myself; That's enough CS for me.

Back from the dead, the next day

Global elite, I'm on my way.