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7 of 28 (25%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

Go Left

Move to the left.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 3:04pm

Go Right

Move to the right.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 3:04pm

Fire Inspector

Safely deploy all the fire extinguishers. For safety.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 3:13pm

Early Bird

Swallow every worm.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 4:26pm

Self Defence

Use the cake knife to defend yourself from wedding guests.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 3:44pm

Swan Tamer

Make peace with a gaggle of swans. Their natural instinct is to kill.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 3:45pm

A Better John

Start taking responsibility for you actions.
Unlocked 6 May, 2022 @ 4:27pm



Most Improved Tapulator

Learn how to literally just navigate the main menu.

Sleep No More

Don't let sleeping dongs lie.

Bulking Gear

Use all the "supplements" you can for maximal gains.

Paperwork

Submit your monthly physical report.

Popcorn Buffet

Eat a disgusting amount of popcorn.

Clumsy

Die a lot of times in your nightmares.

Master Unlocker

Collect enough milk to fill the tank.

Couch Party

Have enough friends and enough controllers to play an 8 player game.

Always Finishes First

Good at video games. Terrible at sex.

Generous Lover

Finish last in a Party Mode game.

Spare Wheel

Be the only one locked out of an ouroborus.

The Perfect Partner

Marry yourself in Abstinence.

My Precious

Get all of the rings in Lord of the Rings.

Magnetic Basshole

Win Lights Out in under five seconds.

Safety First

Everyone survives having sex in a trash-compactor full of needles.

Till Death Do Us

Have sex in the Date Night graveyard.

Autopaedicatio

Penetrate yourself in Traditional Mode.

Fussy Lover

Save yourself for that special orgy.
+3

3 hidden achievements remaining

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