I've got nothing to offer but alcohol and fiscal advice, and I'm not FINRA certified...

"You know... I think spiders are really misunderstood... They might look kind of scary, but they never attack humans unless they feel threatened.
Not to mention they're also one of my biggest helpers when I'm gardening, since they eat a lot of the pests that can hurt my plants. It's all about the balance of nature!
I know that the spider must have looked so scary to you, but I promise that you probably looked a lot scarier to the spider! No offense, of course... Haha..."
- Pentti Linkola