The "R Mika is a bad character design" bandwagon never fails to disappoint. It's ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Street Fighter. There is a green guy with electricity powers. He doesn't even electrocute you, he electrocutes his ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ self first and then you second. And you know what we did in the 90s? We shrugged our shoulders and nodded at each other, "Oh shucks! Capcom is so wacky!" What will they think of next? They thought of a 7 foot tall Mexican and then they took a lunch break for 3 months and decided that thinking of new characters for Street Fighter was hard work for a pre-globalized world with fair wages. Let's see, we can make a game in one year that pulls enough profit to pay for each employee that worked on this for....let me get my calculator out, that's 5 million dollars per person here at Capcom. Let's just steal Bruce Lee and make 5 more games with the same art assets? And Fei Long was and is loved, despite him coming out of a creativity board meeting "Durr make him like Bruce Lee! And he does moves like this! mimics moves" And they listened to the janitor with down syndrome and put bruce lee in the game, because back then, you could take risks on retarded ideas. Think about it - the fact that someone went to a board meeting, just got done making a sketch of Ryu and drawing him, there was one guy who said "Okay, and then we make an Indian guy with stretchy legs." And despite Indians having no cultural relevance to stretchy legs, or ♥♥♥♥, cultural relevance in fighting or games in general? We have Dhalsim. Are we better for it? Yes, he adds something to the game and because it was the 90s, it wasn't for diversity or hashtags, it was because his stretchy legs were not prohibitively risky. Now, we have Kotaku to tell us why Mafia III needs a mixed-race black man to be in the Italian Mafia, not because they believe that, but because blogging about your racist comments are going to get that max cpm. Max CPM rules everything around me. They had no ideas then and they still released a Street Fighter every year because it was profitable. R Mika is a Dostoevsky character compared to T Hawk. They put Street Fighter on every system. They put it on a system with only 3 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ buttons that couldn't produce any semblance of a voice sample. "Buy this controller for this one game in order to make it playable or go ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ screw. Oh and all the characters sound like they have cystic fibrosis. Look that up in Encarta." Games made money with no problem: For christ sake, they released a game where you needed to buy another game just to make the first game work - and it was a flagship Sonic game for $70 bucks...and it MADE money. It didn't make "Uhh this game is successful, but we can't fund a sequel by ourselves" successful, it was "Let's put this ♥♥♥♥♥♥ in a game about Pinball because Pinball rhymes with Spinball, a word we just made up." successful.
The 90s were a time when you could make ♥♥♥♥ up without risk - you could fail at everything in life and still get a job in middle management making a good income. If Sonic Spinball could be made un-ironically, then so can your salary. Now kids without STEM degrees are called worthless by job-secure 59 year olds who work in middle management hiring - "Look, I don't think you're qualified for this job, there are numbers and unless you took Electrical Engineering, and know how electrolytes work, and uh...well..look there are 900 people competing for this job, and I found 500 math PhDs in Bangladesh who are willing to do the work over Skype. "It says here you have a degree in History: I had a degree in history too, art history - it's just like regular history only less. ♥♥♥♥ you." So part of our interview is to figure out a way for me to justify why I can work here and why you can't - which is hard because, keep in mind, I have some brown people that will work over Gmail and pay for their own long-distance Skype credit, which saves me about 99% of an otherwise healthy worker's salary per year. Also, I have your degree minus every historical thing that ever could be studied, except art. Are you willing to give up 99% of your salary? Do you have a math PhD? No? What makes you think you're in demand in a capitalist system that appraises your worth based on whether or not you can do a job better than poor people? Let me reiterate, I have a degree in art history - which is basically just looking at pictures and know where the pictures come from. If you read Peter Rabbit, you know where I'm coming from here. How do you think we stay competitive in the marketplace if we have people like me who have a degree in Peter Rabbit and don't seek out the absolute most unfortunate people with the best credentials? I have a guy with a math PhD from Nigeria that cleans our toilets remotely from a computer. What he doesn't know is that I piss all over the toilet seat on purpose. I literally just piss all over the toilet seat just to tell a black man to clean up my refuse, and godamnit if I will give back what Capitalism gave me just so I can go back to pissing vanilla-style. I work long-♥♥♥♥ style from now on and I ain't going back to vanilla style. I can piss and ♥♥♥♥ anywhere I want and a black man controlling a robot will always be not that far behind me, remind me again why I want to give this up so you can have a job? The economy has evolved - workers that used to use Excel 2005, now need to know Excel 2015 at this company - ...Excel 2005 was easy for liberal arts majors, but 2015? Much easier, actually. ..it's actually way easier for just about anyone to do work these days...and because of that, my piss gets cleaned by robots. Only got one piss-robot but a long line of workers looking to run it. Poor people clean piss like it's their last day on earth...and if you piss as much as I do, they're spending their last day on earth a lot of times a day. Like a lot. It's Groundhog Piss day for these guys, and I am the groundhog and the piss are like the days...and the workers are like the days too because there are an endless supply of both of them. If some brown kid can convince me that I can call him racial slurs AND sign a non-disclosure agreement about said racial slurs, AND that he can get work done through GChat - then I get to call him a racial slurs on GChat - Name the only cool person older than 50. Bill Murray. Bingo. Devalue, debase, and reduce every last thing on this earth in the name of efficient markets and if you get to the end, you're Bill Murray. That's some economics they don't teach you in school. Welcome to the big leagues. I want a candidate that knows how economics works - not some socialist that reduces our competitive advantage in the world with a feeble set of skills. We use Microsoft ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Excel here. This isn't a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ game. The efficiency of being able to rename a servile little indian boy a SandNog on GChat in the same interface that I receive his work in and I get to pay him in mussel shells? Uhh someone get me off the this gravy train because my goose is cooked and papa is ready to eat. That is why I voted Ron Paul - papa wants to eat. If the Efficient markets have worked themselves out to the point where I can call a desperate brown kid a sand♥♥♥♥♥♥ and get work that is more efficient and productive - tell me what the difference is between a sand♥♥♥♥♥♥ that does good work and a white person that does good work? I'll give you a hint: If I can't call either of them sand♥♥♥♥♥♥s, there is no difference. Okay that wasn't a hint, that was the answer. There are so many people from countries that I can't pronounce waiting to be hired, that I'll eventually get to a Sophie's Choice situation - "Do I pick this guy who doesn't mind that I call him a CamelBoo (Jigaboo+Camel word that I made up) or do I pick the white guy?