HI, I'M NAPOLEON BONAPARTE, FOUNDER AND EMPEROR OF REVOLUTIONARY FRANCE. I KNOW YOU ALL THINK I'M SHORT, BUT THERE'S NOTHING SHORT ABOUT MY COLOSSAL CORSICAN CROTCH CANNON. AT THE BATTLE OF AUSTERLITZ I COURAGEOUSLY COCKSMACKED EMPEROR FRANZ WITH MY FANTASTIC FRENCH ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ AND DROWNED HIS ARMY SINGLEHANDEDLY WITH SUPERFLUOUS SPURTS OF MY SALUBRIOUS SALTY SEMINAL SERUM. I OWE ALL MY SUCCESS TO MY BRUISING BARBARIC ♥♥♥♥♥ BANGER. I GUARANTEE IT.