Bear witness and clamour around, merchants, blood crazed Skooma addicts and women who wish to covet sexual favours in return for Snicker bars, for today we witness a grand sight, foretolf in archaic prophecy and chattered about incessantly by the gaunt witches in every village and town. Those old, cankerly harridans, crooning about horrors that will terrorise our children at night, the Templars were right, they should be fettered to a block of wood and be cleansed in flame, to rebirth in the fire as a phoenix of yore. Now, in regards to the tale.

A DUEL APPROACHES!

Here we see two teams, six combatants in total and a grand saga that promises bloodshed, calamity and mercenaries. BLOOD WILL BE SPILT ON THIS DAY! ONLY ONE GROUP SHALL THRIVE, WHILE THE OTEHR WILL PERISH IN BATTLE.

Ladies and gentleman, on the left side I present the lagamorph coalition.

Three fearsome rabbits have been sighted. A Belgian hare, a white thoroughbred and a corporeal Netherland rabbit of the Redwall legion, who as we are all aware, are a breed that is responsible for repelling the frequent fox and badger incursions, that place the lives of every hare, shrew and mouse in jeopardy.

And on the right side, we have the red pandas, alongside their steed.

One curvaceous red panda, chewing illicit herbs to go into a killing frenzy, another who wishes to acquire cuddles, SO HE CAN SINK HIS MAWS INTO THE UNWARY PREYS NECK and a loyal steed that the panda's shall ride atop of, so that they can bombard their adversary with an onslaught of pinecones and trout, hoarded for aeons in preparation for this very moment.

What a grand battle that is to ensue and today we have two guest speakers, the Masked Aristocrat and Bunnykins, his loyal concubine or captor, who can fathomably say!

Estonian Forester: "A big battles going to occur today, you two are adept and seasoned fighters and as such, after peering into the various talents of each combatant, who will win?"

Bunnykins: "La de da de da, who am I? Where am I? Oh look a pretty butterfly!" Picks up a rock "I'm going to name you Cindarella! DO YOU KNOW THAT I USED TO HAVE A GOOD MEMORY CINDARELLA, BUT STARVING MYSELF GAVE ME PERMANENT BRAIN DAMAGE! WELL IT DID, IT DID, I READ IT ON GOOGLE! Shhh, shhhh, it's alright, don't fret Cindarella, mummy will always remember you, you're too special for me to ever let go." The unhinged buxom ginger then begins softly caressing and cooing the rock, perhaps in a peculiar attempt to alleviate its concerns.

Estonian Forester: "And.. And you Masked Aristocrat?"

Masked Aristocrat: "YEAH, ROIGHT, ROIGHT, I AM THE BEST, GET IT?" The man begins waving his arms around frantically, sporadically moving his hands and enacting erratic gestures, possibly in an attempt to add expression and sincerity to his words. In reality, it just appears that he is forming the shape of a paper airplane and bird with his hands and repeatedly colliding them against one another. "BIG BATTLE AHEAD BOYS, BIG BATTLE AHEAD. THERE'S A REAL EASY WAY TO WIN THOUGH, YOU WANNA HEAR IT? DO YOU, DO YOU?" He then begins poking the Estonian Forester, in an attempt to illicit a reaction.

Estonian Forester: "Yes, what, WHAT!"

Bunnykins: "WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING TO ME BUTTERFLY, SMASHY SMASHY!" The woman then begins braining the butterfly like rock, unequivocally slaughtering it after the first blow.

Masked Aristocrat: "Well, Ill tell you how. In order to be a potent fighter, you have to show no remorse and strike decisively, for the first man that inflicts a mortal wound against his adversary will succeed and that's FAX. One moment, SHUT UP WOMAN, COME HERE!"

The Masked Aristocrat, then locks his arms around the Bunny, who is in the midst of clapping two stones together and begins wrangling her neck and pummelling her face.

Bunnykins: "EEEEK, MASTER, I SAID NOT TO BE SEXUAL TODAY!"

Masked Aristocrat: "SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP, STOP TALKING, I'M SICK OF YOU TODAY, PEW PEW PEW" After every pew, the man unleashes a hearty slap, which causes the female to release an exhale of ecstasy and temporarily quells her outcry. After several moments, of the Estonian Forester uncomfortably spectating this manic scene, the female falls asleep, with a contented grin on her face. "It's all over now, finally. She'll be awake in 8 hours, so we have a little bit of rest."

Estonian Forester: "That we do, that we do."

Well there you have it folks, after a comprehensive interview with these two veterans of warfare, it has been concluded that it is anyone's game! Personally, I am hedging my bets on the lagamorphs, with their distinctive talent in martial arts, robust maws and ability to spring themselves high into the air and fling themselves at enemies on and above ground. But alas, only time shall tell, LET THE GAMES BEGIN, THE INITIAL BLADES OF WAR HAVE INTERRLOCKED, THUS BEGINS THE FIRST DAWN!