Recent reviews by Captain Qwarkmire

It's actually not mine.

I just usurped power when it was already established.

No.

Definitely a fun little casual experience. If you get burnt out on other games or you're just not in the mood to hop in a few online matches, just putting some music on in the background and swinging around might just be the thing to satisfy you. It's also pretty radical when you can get a pretty smooth streak going without bonking things at high velocity! Would recommend if you've got a little spare dosh lying around.

I should clarify that I spedrun the game and managed to 100% it in under an hour. This isn't a monumental gaming achievement but I just needed to clarify so you don't think i'm like all the other degenerates.

This game is, at its' core, simple minigames. Except the minigames reward you with very lewd images if you win. So, like... think of it as an NSFW variant of WarioWare, because that's what it is. The art is pretty good but then again I think the Mona Lisa looks like ♥♥♥♥ so i'm not exactly a good frame of reference for artistic value. However, as I write this post, I must note they have now started to add animations to the images in-game. Only 2 images so far have animations and it has yet to be seen if this will spread to the others but it's an interesting little tidbit to note.

TL;DR If you're a furry/degenerate looking to beat it like Michael Jackson then this is probably a good pick for you. If you like games this is a vaguely okay pick for you. Go wild.

Sorry, Jesus.

Won't happen again, I swear.

Uh. I can explain.

I swear.

Please don't tell my parents.

This game is great if you have a potato computer or if you genuinely enjoy Half-Life and always wanted to share the experience with another particular individual or two.

Also, ignore the fact that Half-Life 1 has Deathmatch. Pretend like the Half-Life series never had multiplayer.

Also, they spelled Seven wrong.

That was a joke.