Bancounter from Sam's server
7/01/2017 <20:35:05> You were banned permanently from the server by "Sam"
10/03/2017 <19:54:05> You were banned permanently from the server by "Sam" (...)
17/07/2017 <13:54:27> You were banned permanently from the server by "Sam" (Ego gets you nowhere mate.)

<21:46:09> "SilverWolfie": when their age is not on the clock they can take all of the ♥♥♥♥
<21:46:26> "sweetbutsour": theres not much of them to take with you

R3DRuM#: ♥♥♥♥ ME UP

*DEAD*(Terrorist) Speedy : nazi
*DEAD*(Terrorist) Speedy : naiz

Speedy: sit and preach while you drink the dankest of bleach

11.10 - Rampage!!: they are americans...they are all dumb

Money wasted on steam (as of writing this):
2082€ [steamdb.info]

Have a game in mind? Try this.


When people ask me "Plz" just because it's shorter than "Please" I feel perfectly justified to answer "No" because it's shorter than "Yes".

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl, I walked up to the dude and punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl...not on my watch.

My next door neighbour accused me of stealing her underwear off the washing line yesterday.
Honestly I nearly ♥♥♥♥ her knickers.

Little boy was out in the patio sitting next to his grandpa, grandpa starts to smoke a cigar.
Little boy says can I smoke your cigar?
Grandpa says does your ♥♥♥♥ touch your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? No says the little boy. Then you can't smoke my cigar. Next day they're hanging out on the porch again. Grandpa was drinking a beer. Little boy asks grandpa if he can have a sip of beer. Grandpa says does your ♥♥♥♥ touch your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ little boy says no. Then no you can't have no beer. Following day grandpa sees the little boy with cookies and says oooh can I have one? Little boy looks grandpa in the eyes and says does your ♥♥♥♥ touch your ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥? Grandpa says yes little boy replied good then go ♥♥♥♥ your self grandma made these for me.

Be very careful when you go out on the streets this day n age because yesterday at around 6:30 pm a bastard who was wearing a black sweatshirt, pulled out a pair of scissors, luckily I had enough agility and I pulled out a rock, because if I would have pulled out a paper he would have won.

My gf left a note on the fridge saying "This is not working, I'm going to my mom's house". I opened the fridge's door, the light came on, the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?

My name is Jafar
I come from afar
there's a bomb in my car
Allahu akbar

"Okay son here's another riddle, what has four legs but isn't alive?"
"A chair! Nice try da-"
"It's your dog. Spot's dead, Billy."

Doctor: are you sexually active?
Noob: I play RuneScape
Doctor: oh sorry for the dumb question
*writes down ♥♥♥♥♥destroyer on notepad*

This cab driver is THE WORST. I keep telling him "You passed my house, let me out" & he's all like "Sir you're in a Police car.

today I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her tits when she said "Would you press one? ...so I did.

Her: Look at that couple down the road. He keeps holding her hand and kissing her. Why can't you do the same?
Him: Are you mad?! I barely know the woman!

China has the highest population not because men are too horny or women are extra fertile but coz people there use condoms made in china

Here's a haiku:
I dig
You dig
He digs
She digs
We dig
They dig

It's actually not a haiku, but it is pretty deep...

My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievable sexy sister was sitting next to me. A few moments later she whispered to me 'we should have sex while my sister isn't home. I immediately got up and turned around to head back to my car. I found my girlfriend standing by the door, she hugged me and said 'you've won my trust'. Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Bill Gates farted in an Apple store and stank up the entire place. But it's their own fault for not having Windows.

Can someone give me an advice? Lately, I noticed that my girlfriend had lots of calls on her phone, and when I ask who is it, she always hungs it up quickly and she said it's one of her friends/business contacts. I also noticed that recently, she goes home in our rented apartment late, and when I ask why was she late, she always tell me that she went overtime because of her team building meet, although when I checked her slip, she had no overtime fee and I was a bit suprised since as far as I know, they didn't had any team building meets since 3 months ago. So, I went to her boss and asked about this, but her boss said that they only did team building meets only one time with her co-office mates a long time ago (which confirms that I was right), and as an extra, she's been absent on that meet, and her boss told me that she's been absent in her work a couple of days as well. The next day, she went out and told me she'll be attending her "urgent team building meet", so, keeping a distance, I followed her with my motorbike, and not far away from our place, a man fetched her on his car. I stopped my motorbike from a distance to make sure they won't hear me and observed them, and when they were going to drive out, I was about to follow then but when I start the engine, it died on me. So I want to ask for advice, where would the problem be? Is it the spark plug that caused the starting to fail, or is it on the main engine? The clutch, perhaps? Please give me a good advice. Thanks for noticing.

Accordion to a scientific study 99% of you didn't realize that i replaced a word with a musical instrument.

♥♥♥♥ and cat were crossing a bridge.... cat slips and falls into river. ♥♥♥♥ can't stop laughing. . . . moral of the story? wherever there is a wet ♥♥♥♥♥, there's a happy ♥♥♥♥...

Girl: Come over.
Me: Can't, I'm playing Batman Arkham Knight.
Girl: But my parents aren't home.
Me: Neither are his....

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas." ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I remember I was watching porn one night. Watching these 2 hot lesbians suck each others piss holes. Was getting really intense.
Then out of nowhere, a man walks in the room, looks at the girls, then sits in the corner and starts wanking!
I was sitting there like, "♥♥♥♥ sake, Dad! Go watch your own porn!"

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