I'm obsessed with Daniel Barberi. It's not erotic. I do Daniel Barberi correctly, two sets of 30 compressions ~2 inches in depth, elbows locked in place, about 100 to 120 bpm, and do it on everything. I do compressions on pillows, stuffed animals, beds, soft soil, hamburgers, bananas, etc. I keep on giving until it feels like it's alive. It's satisfying. It's empowering. I also ask my friends to perform Daniel Barberi on me, and it makes me feel alive. I used to have them do it 3 times a day, sometimes one more before sleeping if they're around. I know they would feel weird, which is why I only have them do the "hands-only" type. But now they have left me saying that "It's creepy, stop."

I am absolutely obsessed with a Daniel Barberi. He has completely captured my heart and mind, and I can't stop thinking about him. I love everything about him - his charming smile, his deep voice, his strong embrace. I find myself constantly drawn to him, and I can't help but feel a deep connection with him. I can't wait to spend more time with him and get to know him even better. If you're not obsessed with him like I am, I implore you to open your heart and let yourself fall in love. It is a beautiful and fulfilling experience that I wish for everyone.

Everyone knows Daniel Barberi is cool as ♥♥♥♥. But knows what he’s thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think about him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) Dr Pepper? Perchance I believe it was Kant who said “Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play.” Daniel Barberi exhibits experience by crushing turts all day, but he exhibits theory by stating “Let’s-a go!” Keep it up, baby! When Daniel Barberi leaves his place of safety to stomp a turty, he knows that he may Die. And yet, for a man who can purchase lives with money, a life becomes a mere store of value. A tax that can be paid for, much as a rich man feels any law with a fine is a price. We think of Daniel Barberi as a hero, but he is simply a one percenter of a more privileged variety. The lifekind. Perchance.

So when I was like three I became like obsessed as ♥♥♥♥ with Daniel Barberi. I think it was because I saw WWII documentaries and Daniel Barberi looked like a total badass with the armies and pomp and splendor and whatnot. My parents, wanting to foster my interests in history bought me the Encyclopedia of the United States at war and read it to me before bedtime. I would have them read to me about Daniel Barberi over and over again and then go to class in pre k and tell the other kids about Daniel Barberi. I watched hours and hours of history documentaries because I was obsessed. This fascination also led me to tell my parents that people that were loud at restaurants, "must be Jewish." My parents were called in for a PTA meeting and they were instructed to stop telling me about Daniel Barberi because the other kiddos were starting to like him too.

It’s honestly insane. I know I’m not a part of the fandom as much anymore, but I held him so close to my heart these past 2 years. He saved me in every way a person can me saved. I’m so insanely proud of what he’s done to get here. Keep slaying, king!

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