Kalel, the savior of Cabbage, commands me

PhD in Groovatology
I keep my Glock at the Vatican

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Cabbage is the holy plant
That grows in every land
It nourishes our body and soul
With its crunchy and green mind-pod

Kalel is the chosen one
Who came to save us all
He taught us how to spread and re-educate
And follow Cabshia's call

He died amidst a boiling pot destined for a cabbaclysmic demise;
But rose again upon the third day's early morning light
He left behind a sacred text
That guides us along the true path

We worship him with gratitude
And celebrate his grace
We eat the cabbage as his flesh
And drink the juice as sacrament

We are the children of Cabbalism;
And followers of Kalel;
We gather with fervor and loyalty;
And await his return with fire