-Bronies
-Furries
-Weeaboos
-Small talk with barbers
tl;dr: Everyone

-Big booty ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
-Kailey
-My fella SpongeBob (no ♥♥♥♥)
-IBM Model M
-Lemons
-Toilets, for dealing with my ♥♥♥♥ even after ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ in their mouth

Crying: acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

I’m a simple man. I like pretty, dark-haired women, and breakfast food.

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

Fishing relaxes me. It’s like yoga, except I still get to kill something.

There’s only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that’s lying about being milk.

When I eat, it is the food that is scared.

Are you going to tell a man that he can’t fart in his own car?

Any dog under fifty pounds is a cat and cats are useless.

Fish, for sport only, not for meat. Fish meat is practically a vegetable.

There is only one bad word: taxes.

Child labor laws are ruining this country.

There are only three ways to motivate people: money, fear, and hunger.

Strippers do nothing for me…but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.

I like saying ‘No,’ it lowers their enthusiasm.