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The Reason I Wanted To Die 【Cover: Nakashima Mika】【Lyrics: amazarashi】

The reason I wanted to die, was that seagulls were squawking down by the wharf.
They floated off at the mercy of the waves.
Peck away at my past, too, before you fly off.

The reason I wanted to die, was that our apricot tree blossomed on my birthay.
When I dozed off in its dappled sunlight, I wondered if I could join all the dead bugs and return to dust.
Peppermint candy. The lamplight of a fishing harbour.
In front of a stove in a wooden station building, but there’s nowhere my heart can embark.

Today was exactly the same as yesterday.
”If you want to change tomorrow you have to change today!”
I get that. I get it. But still…
The reason I wanted to die, was that my heart had become hollow.

The reason I cry about how unsatisfied I am, is surely because I’m wishing for fulfillment.
The reason I wanted to die, was that my shoelaces had come untied.
I was never really that good at re-tying them.
My relationships with others are same way, too.

The reason I wanted to die, was that a teenager was staring right at me.
And now I’m prostrated atop my bed, apologizing to my younger self.
The dim light of the computer. The ambient noise from the floors above.
A bird-caged boy, plugging his ears to block out the interphone chime.

I’m fighting with an enemy I can’t even see, like I’m Don Quixote in this 10×10 bedroom.
And in the end, what I’m fighting for is a truly unseemly thing.
The reason I wanted to die, was that I was called a cold-hearted person.
The reason I cry that I long to be loved, is that can’t unlearn the warmth of another person’s touch.

The reason I wanted to die, was that you smile so beautifully.
The reason I can’t stop thinking about death, must be that I take living too seriously.
The reason I wanted to die, was that I still hadn’t met you yet!
If the world has people like you in it, then I like the world a little bit more.

If the world has people like you in it, then I have a little bit more hope for the world.

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(Japanese lyrics of the song)

僕が死のうと思ったのは
ウミネコが桟橋で鳴いたから
波の随意に浮かんで消える
過去も啄ばんで飛んでいけ
僕が死のうと思ったのは
誕生日に杏の花が咲いたから
その木漏れ日でうたた寝したら
虫の死骸と土になれるかな
薄荷飴 漁港の灯台
錆びたアーチ橋 捨てた自転車
木造の駅のストーブの前で
どこにも旅立てない心
今日はまるで昨日みたいだ
明日を変えるなら今日を変えなきゃ
分かってる 分かってる けれど
僕が死のうと思ったのは
心が空っぽになったから
満たされないと泣いているのは
きっと満たされたいと願うから
僕が死のうと思ったのは
靴紐が解けたから
結びなおすのは苦手なんだよ
人との繋がりもまた然り
僕が死のうと思ったのは
少年が僕を見つめていたから
ベッドの上で土下座してるよ
あの日の僕にごめんなさいと
パソコンの薄明かり
上階の部屋の生活音
インターフォンのチャイムの音
耳を塞ぐ鳥かごの少年
見えない敵と戦ってる
六畳一間のドンキホーテ
ゴールはどうせ醜いものさ
僕が死のうと思ったのは
冷たい人と言われたから
愛されたいと泣いているのは
人の温もりを知ってしまったから
僕が死のうと思ったのは
あなたが綺麗に笑うから
死ぬことばかり考えてしまうのは
きっと生きる事に真面目すぎるから
僕が死のうと思ったのは
まだあなたに出会ってなかったから
あなたのような人が生まれた
世界を少し好きになったよ
あなたのような人が生きてる
世界に少し期待するよ