ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ: ᴛʜᴇ ꜱʜɪɴɪɴɢ (1980) | ᴍᴇᴍᴏʀʏ'ꜱ ʟᴏꜱᴛ

It begins by me looking for something "scary" to fall asleep to.

For some reason; I enjoy "scary" things. When I have nightmares I am not scared. I am intrigued.
"Why does this scare me? Or, why would it, if I wasn't so fascinated, and most times lucid, knowing I'm dreaming?"
I proceed to push into that fear. Try to understand it. Not run away from it. Because I know it can't hurt me there.


So now, here I am. Listening to this "The Shining, Ambience" video, trying to fall asleep.

For some reason, my mind wanders, and explores itself.
I imagine what I've imagined inside my head, since I was very, very young. Somehow creating such an interesting and unique graphic for myself, all from my own doing.

There's a pit. A perfectly circular, gray, metal pit. A drain. It goes down, and down. All you can see looking down into it is blackness.
The walls around it come closer together the further it goes down. Until a certain point.

The drain, of my mind.



Above this space; Shiny, metal stainless steel walls. With drawers upon drawers in it. The same material. They are spaced out about 4 feet from eachother vertically. About 5-7feet horizontally.
This space is a new edition to my mind. It wasn't here before.


Since I was a child, I imagined this drain in my mind. All of the memories that I'd rather do without, get sucked away. Usually imagining metal hooks; The one's at stores, that packaged items hang from.
My memories hang from each hook.

As the drain's system starts up, some loose memories fly by, and into the drain. Others, I go over to the hooks, and raise upward, and then forward. Like grabbing an item from the store. Newer memories at the front of each hook, obviously.

I sometimes wonder. With how messed up I am; (Social anxiety, general anxiety, depression, no motivation, chronic fatigue, etc.) Did something happen to me? Is there a reason? Maybe I made myself forget. Erased it. But I just don't know.


My mind begins to search. It opens every stainless steel drawer above the pit. Going through the files. 30m feels like 5m, as my mind explores itself. I start remembering memories I haven't thought of or remembered in YEARS.

The memories flash in my head within seconds of eachother.
Going over every memory.
"Oh, I remember that!" "That was fun." "Ick. I remember that too well. Skip. Wait.. Maybe I should press into memories I find unpleasant. Or can't remember well."

In no order of time or age, I see all these memories I haven't visited, thought about, or even remembered in years and years and years. Like I was truly unlocking my mind, and exploring its stored memories.

Memories I can't remember too well are blocked off by something. For one memory, it was like a big branch, with leaves hanging from it, was in my way. I tried to reach my head around it both ways.
I could get around it only a tiny bit, but not fully.

30m go by. I check my phone. He texted me. I tell him about what was happening. How I can't even explain it. How crazy it is.

I put down my phone and attempt to go back into it. But instead, I fall asleep. Listening to the sounds of The Shining.

It was like... I wasn't even sleeping. It was like... I was in... Idk. computer "sleep mode". I was there, and lucid, and aware of everything. Irl and in my mind. Eyes closed for most of the experience. Sometimes opening a bit in shock of memories being visited again.

I don't know if I was "sleeping" or "lucid dreaming". It was more like... I was the human version of a computer doing a CPU check. Not fully conscious, pretty much asleep. But still fully aware, and there.


This was the first time I've ever experienced such a thing. I wonder if anyone else has.
I’ve had lucid dreams before, though. Even as a kid. Many many times.

I very rarely remember my dreams anymore, if I have any.
But sometimes I’ll realize, during the day, “hey… that memory didn’t actually happen.”

latest dream I can barely remember had happened was a story of two boys in love, in a space war or something… I don’t even know.

Separated. And they were able to find eachother again. Wish I had more details. It was a lovely story.

But, of course, it does make me feel lonely. As physically attractive as I may be, and as special, wise, and unique as I may be; It clearly doesn’t make up for charisma, or natural social skills most people seem to have had irl.

#1 - Don't run altruistic survivor loadouts at night(US-EA). You're very lucky to get a team that appreciates it and isn't selfish/trolling/throwing during DAY. Run survival for YOU perks at night. Roll the soloQ dice with altruistic perks during day, if at all.

At night? 9/10 times it's gonna be a hook camping/tunneling skillset of a 9yo just-install killer, or at least 1-2 survivor teammates who throw/troll etc. Even during the day I get like 7 matches in a row of DIFFERENT PLAYER troll/throwers or hook campers/tunneler degenerates.


#2 - A BIG majority of troll/thrower survivors are console players or privated. Why so many of the troll/throwers are console players is beyond me. It was actually, seriously, so commonly the case that I tried the "PC players only" thing at the expense of bonus bloodpoints. I could not find a single match. Don't bother trying.


#3 - You should ALWAYS bring a bloodpoints offering, if nothing else. The game gives you TONS of bloodpoints offerings. Especially common rarity ones. There is no reason to not bring one every round. I wish I realized this sooner.

Also - I wouldn't bother rolling the dice by using the good BP offerings on soloQ. Seriously not worth it, with most matches being selfish losers/throwers/trolls. Save it for events, playing with friends, or if those strangers say in chat before the match starts that they're gonna be bringing BP offerings.

Wanna really see who's disgusting and needs a reality check? Bring a personal bloodpoints booster in soloQ during an event when the bloodweb has the special good bloodpoints boosters in it.

I've had a 1viewer TTVers duo throw the game while bodyblocking me, working with killer against me, and harassing me in endgame chat as well over it. Telling me to "K**" etc.

Imagine being that much out of touch with reality. Over someone not bringing a shared bloodpoints bonus.

Why the hell would I waste it on strangers who could throw and troll? And they proved me right. Imagine if I had used it and given that bonus to degenerates like them. It is appalling how many dbd players, even ttvers, actually acted this way when others brought personal BP offerings during anniv. or twisted event. Literally could be harassing some innocent kid or teen or even some nice person who wants to play after work. Just cause they brought personal BP offering. like holy sh. seek help.


#4 - Prestige level/TTVer does NOT equate to skill OR standards. I've had countless matches of literal 100p 2000+hrs !!LIVE!! TTVers tunnel off hook all game, hook camp, etc. AS GROWN AHH ADULTS. WHILE LIVESTREAMING IT.

Like imagine how pathetic and sad you'd have to be to abuse broken game mechanics to begin with. But then livestreaming yourself doing so? And as an experienced player? AS A GROWN ADULT? (Keep in mind these people are common)

With every single one of them, they will have kiddie viewers in their chat defending them; even despite the degenerate actions in-game.

I've seen a 500viewers degenerate hook camp me and tunnel me off hook while live before. I kid you not.

I am less hours than most of these people and I NEVER hook camp or tunnel. Unless it's exploiter survivors/an obvious 3-4 comms queue that deserved it.

A wise truth that comes to mind whenever I get a match against these sad, sad, losers is:

Professionals have standards.

I win most, as in 9/10 of my killer matches, without hook camping or tunneling at all. And every match I get is against multi-queues, exploiters, etc. Obviously because they're top MMR.

Imagine being so skilled at the game you don't need to abuse broken game mechanics and hook camp/tunnel for a single kill.


#5 - The DBD devs do not play their game. Or know much about it. Or care. That is very clear. If they did, they would make successfully hook tunneling/camping extremely unlikely and difficult.

For example, these basic things should already be in the game: When killer is within 20feet of the hook, the hook timer pauses. The survivor gains the white glow while on hook to signify this.

The "unhook self" meter should be inching forward when the killer is within 60feet or less. (60-50 progressing the meter by a very slow 1mm ps) (40 3mm) (30 5mm) (20feet 20mm. or 1/4th of the unhook meter filled in 3 seconds)

When the killer is within 12 feet of the survivor at least 8s after hooking, this meter should be going up very fast. 1/2 filled within 8 seconds.

The meter progress **SHOULD NOT** pause when other survivors are nearby. The fact that it does is further proof the DBD developers don't know what they're doing.


The self-unhook meter should not disappear during gates powered, if the survivor on hook is in struggle-state. If they reach that state while on hook, the meter should appear. The hook timer pause, however, should be disabled and inactive entirely during exits powered.

Hook-States in general should be extended by at least 15s.

Invulnerability when unhooked should be increased by at least 10s. Haste speed should be increased by at least 15%, with the same current duration.

During exits powered, the invulnerability time should decrease. But the Haste speed should be increased by at least 15%, with the same current duration. Meaning Haste speed when unhooked should not differ when unhooked, no matter when in the game. But the invulnerability time would decrease during exits powered.