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70 of 89 (79%) achievements earned:
Personal Achievements
 

R. Kelly's Protege

Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 30 May, 2020 @ 11:07pm

Duck Dynasty

Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 12 Jun, 2020 @ 7:44pm

Here, Wilfred

Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 30 May, 2020 @ 11:31pm

Chapelle's Show

Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 8:38pm

Taxidermy with Chuck Testa

Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 12 Jun, 2020 @ 7:26pm

Michonne ain't got nothin' on me

Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 8:16pm

Someone's got a case of the Mondays!

Survived Monday.
Unlocked 31 May, 2020 @ 1:59am

C U Next Tuesday

Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 13 Jun, 2020 @ 9:15pm

OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!

Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2020 @ 10:39am

It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays

Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 1:38am

Workin' for the Weekend

Survived Friday.
Unlocked 23 Jul, 2020 @ 9:51am

Screw Bill Lumbergh!

Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 18 May, 2022 @ 12:55am

I swear, I thought it was a home fill

Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 18 May, 2022 @ 5:19pm

Cesar Millan is Very Happy

Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 31 Oct, 2020 @ 7:05pm

OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale

Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 31 May, 2020 @ 1:55am

Rebecca Black's Nightmare

Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 25 Sep, 2020 @ 4:53pm

Hello, Newman

Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 9:21pm

Darth Maul'd!

Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 1:38am

Reddit would be proud.

Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 9:07pm

Pussy on a Pedestal

Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 9:20pm

I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace

Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 3:33pm

Uncle T-Bag

Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 8:21pm

Do you even Enzyte, bro?

Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2020 @ 7:19pm

Running With Scissors

Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 23 Jul, 2020 @ 6:00pm

Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!

Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 3:33pm

And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree

Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 12 Jun, 2020 @ 7:17pm

Lieberman is our Leader!

Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 30 May, 2020 @ 11:40pm

Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.

Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 13 Jun, 2020 @ 5:05pm

Can't Touch This

Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 1:38am

Fear and Loathing

Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2020 @ 3:36pm

Señor Cornballer

Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 1 Nov, 2020 @ 12:33pm

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!

Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 23 Jul, 2020 @ 9:48am

Rick Grimes 4 Life

Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 8:02pm

Anustart!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 7:33pm

40 Year Old Virgin

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 7:33pm

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 7:47pm

Planet of the Apes: The Musical

Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 18 May, 2022 @ 5:20pm

Scientology Level: OT VIII

Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 18 May, 2022 @ 5:20pm

Fur Sure!

Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
Unlocked 30 May, 2020 @ 11:47pm

It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog

Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 13 Jun, 2020 @ 5:09pm

Where's Mr. McGibblets?

Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2020 @ 10:39am

Finkle IS Einhorn!

Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 4:24pm

Anger Management With Roger Clemens

Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 4:18pm

Shiva Blast

"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 23 Jul, 2020 @ 6:17pm

Don't taze me, bro!

Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 16 Feb, 2022 @ 8:23pm

I Am Legend

Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 28 Apr, 2022 @ 5:36pm

I should buy a boat

Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 2 May, 2022 @ 8:02pm

Friend of Dorothy

Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 30 May, 2020 @ 11:14pm

Officer McLovin'

Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 31 May, 2020 @ 6:49pm

Paid the Piper

Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 17 Jun, 2020 @ 10:39am

Well, aren't YOU a badass

Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 12 Jun, 2020 @ 9:55pm

I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you

Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 12 Jun, 2020 @ 7:34pm

It's sterile and I like the taste

Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 3:00pm

It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway

Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 31 May, 2020 @ 6:49pm

FAB-U-LOUS!

Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 27 Jun, 2020 @ 1:38am

I don't need virgins for this

Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 8:11pm

A-Rod Who?

Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 30 May, 2020 @ 11:03pm

Door Mat

Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 4:18pm

Chuck Norris'd!

Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 12 Jun, 2020 @ 9:21pm

One time, at band camp...

Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 8:11pm

There's always money in the banana stand

Found the secret bank exit on Monday.
Unlocked 21 Aug, 2020 @ 1:07pm

SCREW that game!

Found the hidden copy of POSTAL III and peed on it.
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 6:51pm

Found 'em faster than GWB

Discovered the hidden Taliban base.
Unlocked 16 Jun, 2020 @ 1:24am

Gotta pay the Troll Toll

Found one of the hidden underground sewers.
Unlocked 15 Jun, 2020 @ 3:58pm

John Rambo'd!

Made a very long killing spree.
Unlocked 7 May, 2022 @ 9:57pm

Gary vs. The K. Man

Discovered the Gary vs. Krotchy arena during the Apocalypse.
Unlocked 13 May, 2022 @ 7:26pm

You are not alone

Observed an NPC going POSTAL!
Unlocked 13 Jun, 2020 @ 4:59pm

Thanks for the money!

Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 18 May, 2022 @ 5:20pm

RAFIBOMB!!!

Kicked 10 people in the balls.
Unlocked 22 Jul, 2020 @ 3:47pm

I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Waited 13 real world years to see an in-game Easter egg. Thanks for sticking with us!
Unlocked 29 Jul, 2021 @ 12:21pm



GABAGOOOOOL!

Reunited with an old friend.

Holocaust: Part Deux

Reunited with an old enemy.

Rain on your Wedding Day

Reunited with an old flame.

Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad

Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.

Better than POSTAL III

Rescued your loyal companion.

My Name is Jesus

Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.

Harder than r/gonewild

Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.

Adderall4All

Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)

Rich on Reddit

Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
0 / 30

BioShocked

Spent $2000 on vending machines.
0 / 5,000

Gettin DP'd

Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
0 / 30

You Snow Nothing John Blow

Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
+7

7 hidden achievements remaining

Details for each achievement will be revealed once unlocked