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You enter the Ninja Pizza Girl community page and see a new developer update. Although it sits in an area enshrouded by dust, the announcement itself is shiny and new. Do you...

Angrily yell at the announcement, demanding to know what took it so long. - Go to #1

Taking care not to scare it away, approach carefully and examine its contents - Go to #2

You're a busy internet user and don't have time for this sh#t. You skip to the end. - Skip to the end.

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"We're sorry! We're sorry!" it shrieks, flapping around the room frantically. "We know about the awful RESPECT lag. We know about all the bugs. It shames us. It SHAMES us." The update huddles in the corner trembling. You see it struggle with fear and dreadful knowledge. "But it wasn't our fault! It was..."

Grab the update as it writhes in your grasp and angrily demand, "Who? Whose fault was this!?" - go to #3

Fleeing the room before you can hear it's dark secret, you boot up Ninja Pizza Girl and enjoy it's bug-free gameplay and improved performance. - Stop reading. Go play Ninja Pizza Girl

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The update seems embarrassed. It looks up at you with tired eyes. "We tried." It says. "We tried during the holidays. We wanted to start the new year all shiny and new. But it was too soon. Too soon."

You pat the update in a comforting way.

"It's better now though, " it says. "The RESPECT lag is all gone. There's no more LoserTown speedrun glitch. It's all good."

The update sighs and slowly closes it's eyes before suddenly snapping alert with newfound fear. "At least, " it breathes, "we hope it's all good..."

Go play Ninja Pizza Girl. Please let us know if it's all good!

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The update struggles in your grip. "NO!" it protests, "We must never say. It is not... it is not PROFESSIONAL."

But with your thumbs strengthened by years of gaming, you do not relent in your shaking and twisting. "Tell me!", you demand.

The update relents, broken by your iron grip. "It was... UNITYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!"

The update's dying scream tears it asunder into fragments of bug fix numbers and TODO lists. You nod grimly, your suspicions confirmed. This is not the first indie developer you've seen betrayed by their middleware and you're sure it won't be the last.

Play Ninja Pizza Girl, making sure to report any weird bugs or slowdowns which you're now positive are all Unity's fault.

--------------------------------------------- The End ----------------------------------------------
Hello! This is the long-delayed bug update that addresses the horrible lag in RESPECT and a number of other bugs. We tried to release this patch back before the holidays but had to roll-back due to an overwhelming number of bugs in the latest Unity release. We think things have all stabilised now but if you notice in any decrease in performance or other weirdness, please let us know.

IMPORTANT SPEEDRUNNER ANNOUNCEMENT

Can all the hardcore speedrunners (you know who you are) please let us know if times are slower on any levels in the latest patch. If times are the same or faster, we'll leave the leaderboards alone but if they're slower than we'll do a full reset.

The times seem to be fairly equivalent but frankly none of us are as good as you guys.