Assalamualaikum Ikhwan

I'm a 27 year old Lesbian, and I've always thought I'm just a lesbian. I figured it out when I was about 13, and since then I've never really been attracted to boys at all. I've never ever been interested in boys or having a relationship with one. I have many guy friends, but I've never been sexually attracted to any of them in any sense of the word, or any male really.

I've always been attracted to women. I'd walk down the street, I'd see a woman, and I'd in my head imagine being with her for a night. I'm really shy about it, and I never talk about sexuality in open, except with my partner, since I'm really, really shy about it. But I am a very sexual person towards women, I think about almost every woman I come in contact with who is moderately attractive.

I was in a relationship with a girl for the past 5 years. I really loved her, I thought we were going to be together forever, I really did. Over the past year things started to get bumpy, and she really began changing. Her personality changed and she wasn't the girl I fell in love with. She was sometimes becoming really violent and abusive, and the next day would be very meek and apologetic, and then would go back to being angry. I couldn't deal with her anymore, it reached a certain point where I felt... I just didn't care for her anymore as a person. This was going on for a year so when we decided to break up, it was so clear this was what had to happen.

She wanted to still 'stay friends'. I was struggling to hold back the tears, but many came through. I refused, I said no, it was over, no friends, no nothing, we're through. She got angry, said some really nasty things, I got scared a little, but then it was over. I was just left with my tears.

The next few days were terrible, I would spend a lot of the time crying. And this is when it happened.

I have one friend, he's really close, he's probably one of my best friends. He's a straight guy, but he's also 22, so he's much younger than me. He knows I'm lesbian and has always been there for me, we've known each other for maybe 2 years, 2 and a half years. We haven't known each other that long, but our friendship flourished from the get-go. There was never any romantic tension or sexual sparks between us, he knew I was strictly into women and respected that.

We were together at my home, we were talking. When I say we, it was mostly me. I was just going on and on about her, and what she meant to me, and how she hurt me. He kept reassuring me that I did the right decision because she was becoming borderline abusive, but I had convinced myself that I still loved her. He was telling me I shouldn't do this to myself, and I deserve much better.

I was the one who initiated it, it was all me. I don't know what came over me. He was sitting on the couch, and I pressed forward with him, trying to come on to him, trying to kiss him. He was at first resistant and was unsure of what I was doing, he said "what are you doing" "are you sure, you want this." I told him "please, this is what I want", and then he went with it too.

I then led him up to the bedroom in my house, things started getting heated and suddenly he asked for some money! I quickly looked again and realized he was an extinct reptile from the Mesozoic era and I was like
"Damnit Loch Ness monster! I ain't givin you no treefiddy!"