What did the fish say when he posted bail? "I'm off the hook!" Why don't fish like basketball? Cause they're afraid of the net Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon! What do you call a fish with a tie? soFISHticated What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish? A Loan shark! How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut! Why don't fish play basketball? Because there afraid of the net. What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships. What do you call a fish that needs help with his or her vocals? Autotuna Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales. What is the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you cannot tuna fish. Why did Sally go to the Lake after her brothers teased her? To fish for compliments. What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? Good morning ladies. What did the salmon say when he swam into a wall? Damn! Whats the best way to catch a fish? Have some one throw it at you. How do you make a fish laugh? Tell a whale of a tale. What happens when you drink like a fish? You piss like a fire hose. Did you know the Octopus is the only fish that can squirt ink? Just Squidding. What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel! Why don't fish pass their exams? Because they work below C-Level. Why did the octopus cross the road? To get to the other tide. What do you call a lazy crayfish? Slobster How do shellfish get to the hospital? In a clambulance. Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the oceans bottom. Why do oysters go to the gym? It's good for the mussel. Did you hear about the goldfish who went bankrupt? Now he's a bronze fish. How did the fish find the World Wide Web? In a Net. What happens when you put nutella on salmon? You get salmonella What did the magician say to the fisherman? Pick a cod, any cod! Did you hear about the fight in the kitchen? A fish got battered. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles. How does a seahorse quickly get from one place to another? He scallops! Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? He pulled a muscle What do you call a fish that knows addition? An Octoplus. How do fish travel long distances? They whale (hail) a cab. What do you call a fish with two knees? A tunee fish.