Hello, My disgraceful underlings, it is I - Jeremy, Pontiff of the Highest Order.
If you are hearing this message, then CONGRATULATIONS, you have successfully survived 52 separate church-wide purges! And that's no easy task. I killed so many fucking people. Like so many people. I swear these robes weren't red when I got 'em.
However, don't mistake your survival as kindness. No, if I had it my way, I would've continued to paint these temple walls with blood and viscera for an eternity. But alas, it appears that you all are not entirely useless to my lord, and it is for that reason alone you remain. You see, my master has many, many tasks to complete. Tasks perfect for dumb, pitiful, sheep such as yourselves. So here I am, his humble servant, ready to instruct you in the ways of our Glorious Lord - PLULAX!

The first thing you must know about Plulax is that he is quite unlike your previous deity. He is far greater, and far more powerful, than any raptor could even claim to be. As such, there will be no more of this "liver collecting." Plulax requires no mortal meat for sustenance. You will instead be set on the task of soul collection in Plulax's name. You have already been sent the Plulaxian Soul Siphon, a $70 value, for only the cost of your eternal servitude. To use the Plulaxian Soul Siphon, simply follow these 3 easy steps.
1. Locate an unsuspecting pedestrian
2. Follow them back to their home
3. Wait until nightfall, and sneak inside after them
4. Plunge the Plulaxian Soul Siphon deep into one of their eye sockets
5. Stand back and watch as state-of-the-art soul siphoning technology goes to work
6. Repeat steps 1-5 on the rest of their family
Each Plulaxian will be required to siphon at least 400 souls a month should they wish to keep living.

Secondly, it must be known that Plulax is the greatest of all beings, and shall therefore go unquestioned. If one should feel the desire to question the word of Plulax, he or she shall be killed instantly, and his or her soul will be siphoned without hesitation.

Lastly, it must be known that Plulax has granted me - Jeremy, Pontiff of the Highest Order - the honor of being his mortal avatar. As such, all respects granted to Plulax, including, but not limited to: undying devotion, unquestioning loyalty, and unlimited blowjobs, shall also be granted to me. Anyone who does not treat me as they would treat Plulax shall be killed instantly, and their soul will be siphoned without hesitation.

That is all the instruction you will receive today, but do not worry, more demands will soon follow. Now go my underlings. Harvest your souls, and worship your new lord of everything. In the glorious name of Plulax, I leave you.