There are many games better than Hard Time III, but few which I'd recommend so readily. It's an unhinged experience everyone should try at least once.


Hard Time III is outsider art, not unlike a Tommy Wiseau or Neil Breen film. It's one person overseeing every aspect of (clearly) low-budget development and creating something unquestionably unique.

But unlike its silver screen equivalents, this game's entertainment value does not come from being so-bad-it's-good. You get the exact type of intended pleasure developer Mat Dickie wants you to. It just happens to be so-bad-it's-good.

Let's face it: Hard Time III is ugly as sin. It features sequoia-stiff animations, cumbersome controls, and the worst camera I've ever experienced. The combat is unchanged from a pro wrestling game. But that doesn't matter in the slightest. If anything, it's part of the charm.

Hard Time III is the chaotic, violent sandbox that oblivious helicopter parents think Grand Theft Auto is. Its premise of surviving a month in prison (and eventually working as a guard) is secondary to the insanity occurring within its barbed-wire confines. It's pure, unadulterated madness in the most hilarious form.

You can't help but become an absolute menace when there's chainsaws and rocket launchers readily available to you. In prison. Why be a model inmate when there's a dedicated "set things on fire" button? You can get a slap on the wrist for a killing spree and the death sentence for stealing a chair, so you might as well live a little.

There's an honest effort at making a robust RPG underneath, too. Character customization is virtually limitless. This game is loaded with hidden mechanics governing everything from cleanliness to pregnancy (yes, you read that correctly). The game doesn't even tell you about half of its depth.

Maybe it could do with a little more direction, both in story and tutorial form. Some mechanics (like the radiant quests) are a little tedious. You unlock a massive open world once you serve your time, but it doesn't really serve a purpose. You will die a lot.

Still, it's hard to play Hard Time III without a smile on your face. It's ridiculous, gory, laugh-out-loud fun. It's a wake-up call to the rest of the industry that nothing matters more than having a good time - but the alarm clock's broken and won't shut up.

Welcome to the MDickie-verse. Fights break out for no reason, limbs are flying off, everything's blowing up...And you won't want it any other way.

a well known rapper is present

This game is trash, I love it

Imagine the worst camera you've ever seen in a video game, then multiply it by 2,000,000. That describes how bad the camera in this game is. Actual garbage.

Wow, this is ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ terrible.

This game showed me just how much fun prison can be

I Gave Birth While Getting Run Over By A Car 10/10

Outstanding Story-Rich Game Award

6/5

good